Thank you Hernando

I really do not want to say "thank you" to you. Those two words seem so very inadequate. Yet, how do I express this gratitude that overwhelms my spirit?

Every day, and some sleepless (or nightmare filled) nights, I live with autism awareness. I'm aware my oldest son might not be understood, or accepted, or find his hoodie (yet again) or say something awkward, or be bullied, or be too full of energy, or forget an assignment, or not understand instructions, or .... the list is too long to write here. Every day, I pray my youngest will not be so overwhelmed by sounds in a pep rally or meeting that he comes home (again) violently ill, pale, and worn out from trying to process the extraneous sounds assaulting his ears. I pray he does not miss some critical piece of instruction while screening out other sounds in the environment. (Auditory Processing Disorder falls under the autism umbrella, it's something like bionic hearing but with no screen to filter out background noise).

I do not remember the last time I enjoyed the luxury of reading a novel. Instead I read news feeds, special education law updates, research articles, and follow political campaigns for autism related issues.

Sometimes the memories of past public encounters rise to the surface. I try to suppress them. I try to forgive and I try to rise above, and I try not to be caught up in the bitter. But the insidious images steal in sometimes and strike a blow to my being. I still see the woman who was bold enough to touch my son in the grocery store and tell me how to parent. I pray God gives me credit for not decking her, or launching into a tirade. I might have walked away but she still haunts me. I think of the educators who have been inadequate and of the times I've had to steel myself for meetings, yet attempt to squash my Irish temper so my son gets an appropriate education. I am not proud of the way my emotions have expressed themselves at times, and I resent being put into those situations. I think about all the "fun" events we didn't go to - still don't go to - because my son might not be able to handle the sounds, lights, interactions. I think of the therapies, the struggle... and I risk spiraling down into something dark, bitter, depressive. I fight this spiral every single day, and only God's grace and Friends-placed-in-my-life-by-Him keep me from falling into the abyss.

We humans are a pitiful lot. So often we get caught up in all the negatives, all the hurts, all the emotions, that we forget there is still much good in the world. It happens to all of us, in varying circumstances. We think no one cares, no one understands.

But we are wrong. People do care. There are great teachers and therapists who are shining lights in our children's lives. There are parents raising children who are compassionate, caring, and concerned. There are students who want to see their peers succeed, who are helpful, kind, committed. 

In the past 48 hours, I have been witness to some profound sites:

*An entire school decked out in blue -- from teachers in blue capes, banners on the wall, the entire student body outfitted in shades of blue, signs on the school, along the roadway, and blue lights on the buildings.
*The blue puzzle piece the high school winter guard created to take on the road to state competition (because they would miss the race). 
*An entire high school marching band (well, a great percentage of them) who came to race, and rally on the Square.
*A community that came out to the town square when they could've stayed in bed on a cold, rainy Saturday morning. But instead they came out in droves to support Autism awareness.
*The sight of 400 runners braving the weather and setting out to run a race for a good cause. 
*Costumes & home-made t-shirts, each representing love and concern.
*Kind words, applause, acceptance.... the list goes on!

Autism is not going away. We desperately need to find a cure. 

And I need to figure out a way to tell the folks at Hernando High School, and the entire Hernando community, how very much their commitment, energy, kindness, and acceptance means to me. They are making a difference in my sons' lives and lives of countless children here in DeSoto County and around the world. Their actions inspire other communities, give hope to parents, and are setting an example which all schools should follow. They are creating a legacy -- these images and memories will carry forth to college, marriages, and careers. Compassion and acceptance will reign, instead of the negative, cruel actions we too often see in the news.

Maybe a day will come when we will not need to have rallies and races to create awareness about autism or other special needs issues. I hope so. And I hope my sons & I can give back to the global community in deed and prayer, in thanksgiving for the difference Hernando has made in our lives, and the support they've given to the world-wide Autism Awareness campaigns.

You are shining lights, each of you. 

I thank God for you!

Ode to Autism

I remember when my oldest son was asked to leave our church's preschool. He wasn't bad, he just moved around too much and he couldn't focus on quiet time. He had difficulty following directions, and he needed to lay on things because the pressure on his body helped him concentrate. He was a distraction to the class and the teachers. He has ADHD in conjunction with Autism (not bad parenting) but he didn't get the official ADHD diagnosis til later.

I remember going grocery shopping when my youngest was little and how he screamed in the freezer section, and how he covered his ears. The hum of the freezer motor was too loud for his hearing senses to process. But I didn't learn about auditory processing til later.

I remember cruel remarks from people who saw my oldest son with a chew toy in his mouth when we went out in public. I knew how to provide for my child's needs, but I didn't learn how to stand up to rude stares and remarks til later.

I remember watching my youngest son try to run... And fall down every few steps. I remember when he became capable of walking barefoot, without the support of shoes. I watched his transformation through intense occupational therapy, and he learned to run, later.

I remember a life before Autism... I remember a time when I didn't know what autism was, when it was completely foreign to me.

But that was almost 15 years ago. I've learned a lot since then.

I've learned: My sons are capable of amazing things.
I've learned: My God is with me always as I raise these boys. He is my greatest resource!
I've learned: Rude people are simply rude. It's not personal. I still detest it, but I know they own their actions, and I don't have to let it take me down.
I've learned: More about Autism, Human Nature, and Special Education Law than I can describe here. It's become part of my every-day existence.
I've learned: I must rely on God's promises. I can not do this on my own.
I've learned: I must take care of myself so I can take care of my children.
I've learned: People are inherently good. Sometimes they just need to be inspired.

Communities around the globe are rallying today to create awareness of a cause which affects my life every single day of the year.

I remember a time when no one rallied for Autism awareness. I remember when no wore blue. I remember when no one had blue light bulbs on their houses. I remember when a puzzle piece was just part of a puzzle, not a symbol for a health epidemic.

I'm grateful for the awareness we have today! As people come to understand how autism affects lives, I pray this awareness helps fund autism research so we can reach the 1 in 50. And I pray the cure comes sooner, rather than later.