On the way to the band festival, Robert was full of excitement. He was
going to be a helper! Conversation went from band chatter to a very
solemn question about tonight's big event - his first school dance.
Yes, he's attending the Special Needs Prom at school tonight.
His question: "Do you think they'll have a waltz tonight? That's 1,2,3,4, isn't it?"
I told him they might play one but I really doubted it. I offered to
help him with dance moves (he usually declines my offers) or watch some
youtube videos.
He said, "No, I'll be ok."
Then he talked
about seeing his friend, whom we'll call David, tonight. He and "David"
have been buddies since 6th grade. "David" is a very tall young man, and
as we know, Robert is not very tall. Together they look like Mutt &
Jeff, but they've always looked out for each other. Robert would worry
about David's grades, and David was a bit of protection for Robert.
Alas, this year, David has followed a different path at the high school
and stays with the other students on the remediation hall, and Robert
is advancing on a different path through school.
So, big happiness
will come from their attending the dance together tonight. Robert told
me, "David talked me into going to the prom."
...Fast forward to driving home after the festival.
Robert says, "Mom, I've got to be under my blanket for a while. It's a big day."
No problem, I'm thankful he recognizes his need to unwind. So, I turn on my computer and check messages.
I receive one from a friend who tells me: Robert has asked a young lady to the prom!
WHAT? I had no clue!
He has known this young lady a long time, and he knows she only likes him as a friend.
But still, he asked to the prom, YESTERDAY. And he never told me.
If it hadn't been for a dear friend's message, asking what the young lady should wear... I'd never have known!
This status update is long, so let me sum up and say:
I've cried many tears this afternoon.
Tears of sorrow for my son's social skills challenges.
Tears of thankfulness for friends who are kind and who love my son.
Tears as I think of those who are not so compassionate to my son.
Tears of gratefulness for a young lady's kind heart and christian love of a friend.
Tears of frustration because I didn't see this coming.
Tears of inadequacy because Robert said, "I didn't tell you because you're not a guy. We need a guy."
Tears of gratefulness -- for parents who are raising incredible young people.
Tears because there is still so much good in the world.
Tears because Kroger has corsages available at the last minute.
Tears because my son is growing up.
What a day.
I have to head to work and Grandma is coming over to pitch hit. She and Ryann will be taking pictures and keeping me updated.
Robert has learned he must always talk to Mom about these things, that
he should have contacted the young lady's parents, that there are many
things we should have done. He has had tears in his eyes. He didn't mean
to cause a problem. He just wanted to go to the dance, and he wanted to
ask his friend to go with him. He's still under his blanket.
I
pray he has a good time tonight with his friends. I pray for many
blessings for the young lady, and all the children attending the prom
tonight. I pray Miss Clairol keeps making my shade of hair dye, because
the grey continues to grow!
xoxo
Copyright
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Monday, April 1, 2013
Ode to Autism
I remember when my oldest son was asked to leave our church's preschool. He wasn't bad, he just moved around too much and he couldn't focus on quiet time. He had difficulty following directions, and he needed to lay on things because the pressure on his body helped him concentrate. He was a distraction to the class and the teachers. He has ADHD in conjunction with Autism (not bad parenting) but he didn't get the official ADHD diagnosis til later.
I remember going grocery shopping when my youngest was little and how he screamed in the freezer section, and how he covered his ears. The hum of the freezer motor was too loud for his hearing senses to process. But I didn't learn about auditory processing til later.
I remember cruel remarks from people who saw my oldest son with a chew toy in his mouth when we went out in public. I knew how to provide for my child's needs, but I didn't learn how to stand up to rude stares and remarks til later.
I remember watching my youngest son try to run... And fall down every few steps. I remember when he became capable of walking barefoot, without the support of shoes. I watched his transformation through intense occupational therapy, and he learned to run, later.
I remember a life before Autism... I remember a time when I didn't know what autism was, when it was completely foreign to me.
But that was almost 15 years ago. I've learned a lot since then.
I've learned: My sons are capable of amazing things.
I've learned: My God is with me always as I raise these boys. He is my greatest resource!
I've learned: Rude people are simply rude. It's not personal. I still detest it, but I know they own their actions, and I don't have to let it take me down.
I've learned: More about Autism, Human Nature, and Special Education Law than I can describe here. It's become part of my every-day existence.
I've learned: I must rely on God's promises. I can not do this on my own.
I've learned: I must take care of myself so I can take care of my children.
I've learned: People are inherently good. Sometimes they just need to be inspired.
Communities around the globe are rallying today to create awareness of a cause which affects my life every single day of the year.
I remember a time when no one rallied for Autism awareness. I remember when no wore blue. I remember when no one had blue light bulbs on their houses. I remember when a puzzle piece was just part of a puzzle, not a symbol for a health epidemic.
I'm grateful for the awareness we have today! As people come to understand how autism affects lives, I pray this awareness helps fund autism research so we can reach the 1 in 50. And I pray the cure comes sooner, rather than later.
I remember going grocery shopping when my youngest was little and how he screamed in the freezer section, and how he covered his ears. The hum of the freezer motor was too loud for his hearing senses to process. But I didn't learn about auditory processing til later.
I remember cruel remarks from people who saw my oldest son with a chew toy in his mouth when we went out in public. I knew how to provide for my child's needs, but I didn't learn how to stand up to rude stares and remarks til later.
I remember watching my youngest son try to run... And fall down every few steps. I remember when he became capable of walking barefoot, without the support of shoes. I watched his transformation through intense occupational therapy, and he learned to run, later.
I remember a life before Autism... I remember a time when I didn't know what autism was, when it was completely foreign to me.
But that was almost 15 years ago. I've learned a lot since then.
I've learned: My sons are capable of amazing things.
I've learned: My God is with me always as I raise these boys. He is my greatest resource!
I've learned: Rude people are simply rude. It's not personal. I still detest it, but I know they own their actions, and I don't have to let it take me down.
I've learned: More about Autism, Human Nature, and Special Education Law than I can describe here. It's become part of my every-day existence.
I've learned: I must rely on God's promises. I can not do this on my own.
I've learned: I must take care of myself so I can take care of my children.
I've learned: People are inherently good. Sometimes they just need to be inspired.
Communities around the globe are rallying today to create awareness of a cause which affects my life every single day of the year.
I remember a time when no one rallied for Autism awareness. I remember when no wore blue. I remember when no one had blue light bulbs on their houses. I remember when a puzzle piece was just part of a puzzle, not a symbol for a health epidemic.
I'm grateful for the awareness we have today! As people come to understand how autism affects lives, I pray this awareness helps fund autism research so we can reach the 1 in 50. And I pray the cure comes sooner, rather than later.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
It's Not My Fault: I Heard It On The Radio...
After I dropped the boys off at school, I was listening to the radio and learned that today is
Single Parents Appreciation Day. These are my candid thoughts. Reader, beware.
Single Parents Appreciation Day?
Quite frankly, who thought this was a good idea?
Raising awareness?
Just look around folks... Single Moms and Dads are everywhere.
But you already knew that, so tell me again how this will "raise awareness?"
Single Parents Appreciation Day?
We don't need a special day in our honor.
We don't need another reason to spend money.
We don't need help just one day out of the year.
We don't need a reminder that our children don't have the benefit of two full-time parents.
We don't need a reminder of our children's pain.
We don't need a card.
We don't need a poem.
We can't afford a party or dinner out.
What we need is a nap.
And someone to clean the house.
We need our churches to lift us up.
We need family members to encourage us.
We need our government to see our financial burdens and help us collect child support.
We need school teachers who accept our best efforts and do not marginalize our children's abilities.
We need someone to mow the lawn.
We need a vacation.
We need prayer, miracles, and tangible help every single day of the year.
What? I sound bitter?
No, I am tired. I'm sick of the patronizing comments. I'm fed up with non-committal blather. "Call me if you need anything"... real friends show up at the door, they weren't called. "I don't know how you do it." Yes you do... It's a combination of sleeplessness, responsibility, and sacrifice. What you really meant was: "I'm glad it's not me."
Unless you've personally been there, you will not get it. Being "a child of" a single parent or having a spouse who "travels a lot" -- doesn't count. Don't tell me it does. You can't get it. I couldn't until I was one. And I certainly don't wish it on you.
(Trust me, I know of what I speak. I was a good military wife while being a parent, and my "husband away" trumps yours ---military spouses excluded).
It boils down to this: Single parents either curl up in a ball in a corner and let the state or someone else take their children. OR, if you truly love your children, you parent them, you own it like a boss (at least outwardly) and do what needs to be done.
But wait, what about children showing their appreciation for their parents?
Really? Every day, all parents should get appreciation.
But our society seems to have forgotten that idea.
So let me say this:
When my sons man-up and do chores, I get appreciation.
When they make do without, and don't complain, I get appreciation.
When they study hard in school, I get appreciation.
When they worry about me, I get appreciation.
When they say "I Love You, Mom," I get appreciation.
When they hug me, I get appreciation.
I'm already blessed with two parenting holidays to celebrate: Mother's Day and Father's Day.
So, thanks for the sentiment, I'm sure it was well-intentioned, but I don't need a third parenting "holiday." I don't have the time, energy, or money to celebrate it.
Single Parents Appreciation Day. These are my candid thoughts. Reader, beware.
Single Parents Appreciation Day?
Quite frankly, who thought this was a good idea?
Raising awareness?
Just look around folks... Single Moms and Dads are everywhere.
But you already knew that, so tell me again how this will "raise awareness?"
Single Parents Appreciation Day?
We don't need a special day in our honor.
We don't need another reason to spend money.
We don't need help just one day out of the year.
We don't need a reminder that our children don't have the benefit of two full-time parents.
We don't need a reminder of our children's pain.
We don't need a card.
We don't need a poem.
We can't afford a party or dinner out.
What we need is a nap.
And someone to clean the house.
We need our churches to lift us up.
We need family members to encourage us.
We need our government to see our financial burdens and help us collect child support.
We need school teachers who accept our best efforts and do not marginalize our children's abilities.
We need someone to mow the lawn.
We need a vacation.
We need prayer, miracles, and tangible help every single day of the year.
What? I sound bitter?
No, I am tired. I'm sick of the patronizing comments. I'm fed up with non-committal blather. "Call me if you need anything"... real friends show up at the door, they weren't called. "I don't know how you do it." Yes you do... It's a combination of sleeplessness, responsibility, and sacrifice. What you really meant was: "I'm glad it's not me."
Unless you've personally been there, you will not get it. Being "a child of" a single parent or having a spouse who "travels a lot" -- doesn't count. Don't tell me it does. You can't get it. I couldn't until I was one. And I certainly don't wish it on you.
(Trust me, I know of what I speak. I was a good military wife while being a parent, and my "husband away" trumps yours ---military spouses excluded).
It boils down to this: Single parents either curl up in a ball in a corner and let the state or someone else take their children. OR, if you truly love your children, you parent them, you own it like a boss (at least outwardly) and do what needs to be done.
But wait, what about children showing their appreciation for their parents?
Really? Every day, all parents should get appreciation.
But our society seems to have forgotten that idea.
So let me say this:
When my sons man-up and do chores, I get appreciation.
When they make do without, and don't complain, I get appreciation.
When they study hard in school, I get appreciation.
When they worry about me, I get appreciation.
When they say "I Love You, Mom," I get appreciation.
When they hug me, I get appreciation.
I'm already blessed with two parenting holidays to celebrate: Mother's Day and Father's Day.
So, thanks for the sentiment, I'm sure it was well-intentioned, but I don't need a third parenting "holiday." I don't have the time, energy, or money to celebrate it.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Prayers for Andrew
This morning I found myself on the floor in my son's room. In front of me was one of his aquariums and in it, his beloved Andrew.
Earlier, I'd taken the boys to school, and returned home for a quick nap before heading to work. Now, the house was quiet. Just the geckos, the dog, and I.
While saying my morning prayers, I'd felt led to wander into my son's room. I thought about this morning. How my son had come to me, not his usual bouncy morning self... How he'd sat on the edge of my bed and although I was barely awake, he had poured out his heart: "Mom, I think Andrew is sick. I don't think what we're doing is working."
At the time, I'd still been groggy after night shift and just a couple hours sleep. I remember sitting up and putting an arm around him and murmuring something. I pray it was encouraging. I do know I told him there was no way I could afford a trip to an exotic pet veterinarian. No need to go into details, but with hospital bills, no child support coming in, and other priorities like groceries and rent, he knew I was right.
He tucked his head, looked at me for reassurance, and went on with his morning routine.
Thinking back, I realize how much quieter than usual he was today. I didn't have to remind him to focus. There was no need for jumping jacks to calm his body. The burden on his heart was calming his mind.
And so, on the floor, on eye level with Andrew, my prayer began:
Dear God,
I know you are the Father of all. I am helpless to do anything on my own, but I know You are capable of mighty things. If it's your will, please heal Andrew. Please let him get well, whatever may be ailing him. Please heal the heart of my oldest. You sent this gecko to my son. You used this gecko (and Lizzy) to teach my son to love... something I was desperately afraid would not happen. I know I've never really liked lizards and snakes and all, but I do love these gecko's and I love my son. Please strengthen Andrew, strengthen Robert, and help me, to do and say the right thing.
Thank you for your blessings and mercy, and being with us through all things.
Amen.
I know it's just a lizard, and there's so very many important things going on in the world... But if you have time today, would you say a prayer for Andrew? and Robert?
Update 3/25/13:
Our God uses amazing circumstances to bring all of us closer to Him. And his miracles never cease!
Through this blog, and good friends, God connected us with Vet techs, and a Zookeeper at the Salt Lake City Zoo. We were able to help Andrew get electrolytes and clear out his digestive tract and he is back on track. It wasn't easy, but it was a labor of love! We are so very thankful for your prayers and for your concern. We are blessed indeed!
Earlier, I'd taken the boys to school, and returned home for a quick nap before heading to work. Now, the house was quiet. Just the geckos, the dog, and I.
While saying my morning prayers, I'd felt led to wander into my son's room. I thought about this morning. How my son had come to me, not his usual bouncy morning self... How he'd sat on the edge of my bed and although I was barely awake, he had poured out his heart: "Mom, I think Andrew is sick. I don't think what we're doing is working."
At the time, I'd still been groggy after night shift and just a couple hours sleep. I remember sitting up and putting an arm around him and murmuring something. I pray it was encouraging. I do know I told him there was no way I could afford a trip to an exotic pet veterinarian. No need to go into details, but with hospital bills, no child support coming in, and other priorities like groceries and rent, he knew I was right.
He tucked his head, looked at me for reassurance, and went on with his morning routine.
Thinking back, I realize how much quieter than usual he was today. I didn't have to remind him to focus. There was no need for jumping jacks to calm his body. The burden on his heart was calming his mind.
And so, on the floor, on eye level with Andrew, my prayer began:
Dear God,
I know you are the Father of all. I am helpless to do anything on my own, but I know You are capable of mighty things. If it's your will, please heal Andrew. Please let him get well, whatever may be ailing him. Please heal the heart of my oldest. You sent this gecko to my son. You used this gecko (and Lizzy) to teach my son to love... something I was desperately afraid would not happen. I know I've never really liked lizards and snakes and all, but I do love these gecko's and I love my son. Please strengthen Andrew, strengthen Robert, and help me, to do and say the right thing.
Thank you for your blessings and mercy, and being with us through all things.
Amen.
I know it's just a lizard, and there's so very many important things going on in the world... But if you have time today, would you say a prayer for Andrew? and Robert?
Andrew... this morning.
Update 3/25/13:
Our God uses amazing circumstances to bring all of us closer to Him. And his miracles never cease!
Through this blog, and good friends, God connected us with Vet techs, and a Zookeeper at the Salt Lake City Zoo. We were able to help Andrew get electrolytes and clear out his digestive tract and he is back on track. It wasn't easy, but it was a labor of love! We are so very thankful for your prayers and for your concern. We are blessed indeed!
Monday, February 4, 2013
Single. Mom.
I'm a Single Mom.
Single? Well no, I'm divorced. I was not single when I became their Mom. (It just felt like it).
Single? Well, yes I'm the only Mom in our home.
Single? As in available, unattached, looking for a partner? Well, I guess so. I've been so busy raising my sons and trying to be both Mom and Dad, I've ignored that part of me.
Until...
Someone flirted with me Saturday! Actual full-blown, flirt: eye contact, conversation... No sloppy come-on, no indecent proposition, just a little bit of light, innocent flirting. The kind that boosts the ego and makes you smile.
Single? Well no, I'm divorced. I was not single when I became their Mom. (It just felt like it).
Single? Well, yes I'm the only Mom in our home.
Single? As in available, unattached, looking for a partner? Well, I guess so. I've been so busy raising my sons and trying to be both Mom and Dad, I've ignored that part of me.
Until...
Someone flirted with me Saturday! Actual full-blown, flirt: eye contact, conversation... No sloppy come-on, no indecent proposition, just a little bit of light, innocent flirting. The kind that boosts the ego and makes you smile.
But it's been so long since anyone flirted with me, I missed it at first.
I mean, completely over my head, smile politely and move on. Then it hit me. He's cute, He's well-spoken, and He's flirting... with me. So, for a minute, I flirted back. Smile. Chat. Smile. Move on.
Now with my luck, he's probably just out on a prison-release program or attempting to film some sort of "punk'd" video. I'll never know, but I do wish him well, and I thank him for the experience.
As a Single Mom, my life revolves around my sons, my work, church and community events. It's been so long since I've been to a party, bar, or club that I can't remember it. Since my marriage ended, I've met some nice men, dated a couple of them, and I've met some not so nice.
But for the last (almost) 2 years, I've taken a sabbatical from the dating scene. It's not that I'm out of the game, but I've been warming the bench.
It's not that I'm content being alone. To be perfectly honest, I'm lonely. I'd really like to find a nice gentleman to date. In fact, it's part of my prayer life. But I'm not desperate, either. And I'm not praying "for a man"... I could find one of those anywhere. I'm holding out for the real thing.
I know the real thing exists, I see friends living it every day. Not that fairy-tale garbage (Disney lied) but real life give-and-take. It's not easy, but they work at it. But where is he? I've come to the conclusion that if God wants me to meet Mr. Right... he's gonna put him right down in front of me, no questions asked. (Yes, I'm prepared this may take a while).
Enter: February 14th.
It's on everyone's mind. Friends are blogging about it, red hearts festoon store aisles, and dinner reservations are being made.
Here's the thing about Valentine's Day:
I hate the commercialization of love. I always have. For years I've said, "it's nothing but a retail trap" -- stand in line 2 hours for a mediocre dinner in a jam-packed restaurant, and that's how a person celebrates love? I don't think so. Buy jewelry because that Jeweler-with-the-alphabet-letter-name says: "Every Kiss begins with K" -- great, prostitutionalize love. Kisses shouldn't come about because someone hands me jewelry. (Side note: I do like jewelry... but if it's the Right Man, he'll be kissed for many reasons, not just jewelry).
Single Awareness Day? You gotta be kidding me! I need a day to celebrate this? To be aware I'm single? Folks, I know every day... I'm alone. Thanks, but no thanks. Take the drama elsewhere.
My Valentine's evening will be spent working. That morning, I will have celebrated with my children as we get ready for school. But my sons know I love them. Every. Single. Day.
To those with a Valentine this year, I sure wish you happiness. Truly I do! Enjoy, have fun, party on. But keep this in mind: Love should be celebrated every day. Big ways, little ways, and all ways.
To those without a Valentine this year ... Well, there's no delicate way to put this: The day is depressing. But remember, it's just a day. Turn off the tv, go volunteer somewhere, read a book, take a nap. And don't forget this: You are loved, by Someone who gave His life for you. No greater love exists. Find your confidence in that Love.
As for me, I'm still working on the term, "Single Mom" ... No clue where this path will lead me. But as I face the (sometimes) overwhelming and very rewarding challenge of being my sons' only parent, I have to remember: my existence can not be summed up in a single title.
And my Valentine Resolution? Not to get so lost in my role as parent that I forget to celebrate being a Woman. Single. Fabulous. Worthy. Loved.
I mean, completely over my head, smile politely and move on. Then it hit me. He's cute, He's well-spoken, and He's flirting... with me. So, for a minute, I flirted back. Smile. Chat. Smile. Move on.
Now with my luck, he's probably just out on a prison-release program or attempting to film some sort of "punk'd" video. I'll never know, but I do wish him well, and I thank him for the experience.
As a Single Mom, my life revolves around my sons, my work, church and community events. It's been so long since I've been to a party, bar, or club that I can't remember it. Since my marriage ended, I've met some nice men, dated a couple of them, and I've met some not so nice.
But for the last (almost) 2 years, I've taken a sabbatical from the dating scene. It's not that I'm out of the game, but I've been warming the bench.
It's not that I'm content being alone. To be perfectly honest, I'm lonely. I'd really like to find a nice gentleman to date. In fact, it's part of my prayer life. But I'm not desperate, either. And I'm not praying "for a man"... I could find one of those anywhere. I'm holding out for the real thing.
I know the real thing exists, I see friends living it every day. Not that fairy-tale garbage (Disney lied) but real life give-and-take. It's not easy, but they work at it. But where is he? I've come to the conclusion that if God wants me to meet Mr. Right... he's gonna put him right down in front of me, no questions asked. (Yes, I'm prepared this may take a while).
Enter: February 14th.
It's on everyone's mind. Friends are blogging about it, red hearts festoon store aisles, and dinner reservations are being made.
Here's the thing about Valentine's Day:
I hate the commercialization of love. I always have. For years I've said, "it's nothing but a retail trap" -- stand in line 2 hours for a mediocre dinner in a jam-packed restaurant, and that's how a person celebrates love? I don't think so. Buy jewelry because that Jeweler-with-the-alphabet-letter-name says: "Every Kiss begins with K" -- great, prostitutionalize love. Kisses shouldn't come about because someone hands me jewelry. (Side note: I do like jewelry... but if it's the Right Man, he'll be kissed for many reasons, not just jewelry).
Single Awareness Day? You gotta be kidding me! I need a day to celebrate this? To be aware I'm single? Folks, I know every day... I'm alone. Thanks, but no thanks. Take the drama elsewhere.
My Valentine's evening will be spent working. That morning, I will have celebrated with my children as we get ready for school. But my sons know I love them. Every. Single. Day.
To those with a Valentine this year, I sure wish you happiness. Truly I do! Enjoy, have fun, party on. But keep this in mind: Love should be celebrated every day. Big ways, little ways, and all ways.
To those without a Valentine this year ... Well, there's no delicate way to put this: The day is depressing. But remember, it's just a day. Turn off the tv, go volunteer somewhere, read a book, take a nap. And don't forget this: You are loved, by Someone who gave His life for you. No greater love exists. Find your confidence in that Love.
As for me, I'm still working on the term, "Single Mom" ... No clue where this path will lead me. But as I face the (sometimes) overwhelming and very rewarding challenge of being my sons' only parent, I have to remember: my existence can not be summed up in a single title.
And my Valentine Resolution? Not to get so lost in my role as parent that I forget to celebrate being a Woman. Single. Fabulous. Worthy. Loved.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Why Can't We Be Friends?
Life and Time often conspire against us, causing memories to be blurred and events forgotten. But as I review Robert's paperwork and reorganize his file, events are remembered. Combine the memories with recent events and I want to offer some reflections on our Special Ed journey.
I homeschooled both boys in their early years. The reasons I chose homeschooling were varied: Merrimack (NH) didn't have public kindergarten, both boys had delays, homeschooling gave us freedom and more time for bonding, they'd been rejected for early intervention in WA state (which I now know was illegal)... and I wasn't ready to trust the school system with my children.
But through Special Olympics, I met a wonderful lady who oversaw the sped program at Reed's Ferry Elementary in New Hampshire. One day she said to me, "Please let me have a chance with your son." And things went well. Not perfect, I didn't know how to get speech for Robert... but the school system put both boys on IEP's and Robert had OT, PT, and accommodations. (Ryann had speech and OT but no longer needs an IEP although he still struggles with auditory sensitivity). Unfortunately, despite a decent school system, my marriage was finally disintegrating. And I moved home to Virginia.
Although the small town to which I fled offered many positives, my sons were now at the mercy of a school system that didn't care... Don't get me wrong, there were some that tried, and some who fought the brave fight... but I was one woman, fighting a political machine. I remember the first IEP meeting... they'd lined up a dozen folks in a small classroom and I guess I was meant to be intimidated. Four hours later I called my best friend and said, "I'm going to be a while"... and for the next two years I learned how to fight the good fight. I joined the Sped Advisory Committee for the county, I pulled in a research team from Richmond... and again, while there are those who tried to help, their best efforts could not give my son what he needed.
Most of you know how I ended up in DeSoto County, MS. Their reputed public school autism program and the woman who loves our children, brought me here. And even though there are bumps along the way, I still say... we have it GOOD in DeSoto County. Robert has Speech (after 3 other states denied him), OT, Social Skills group, transportation accomodations, sensory diet, and other accommodations. My children are blossoming... and we are blessed.
But recently, someone said to me, "I want my IEP meeting to be peaceful". And heck, I sure agree with that statement. I'd like everything to be peaceful. But it doesn't work that way. Sometimes you have to be bold, you have to project an image... to get your children what they need.
When we first got to MS, we had an IEP meeting prior to Robert's admission to school. I think folks listened but they didn't "get it"... perhaps they needed to meet Robert, perhaps they were overburdened (God bless our teachers who are so very overworked and underpaid), perhaps they weren't used to a parent who participated in their child's education process, perhaps.... I had to prove myself.
I'm not sure what the exact answer was, but as I go through the documents in Robert's file, I see an email written about me which was written right after I got here, dtd 1-29-08 and states in part "...in her response below that she has other concerns she feels aren't being acknowledged. From this point on, I will only communicate with her in person with someone else or by phone with someone present." No doubt this was written because I'd been a bit outspoken, been pushing for services.
But even then, my concerns weren't taken into account as they should, when Robert was hit in the face in school, his glasses broken, and I rushed to the school on Feb 4th... to find my baby hurt and upset. Granted, Robert had acted out in the bathroom (and from his perspective he got in big trouble with me) but there should've been safeguards in place prior to the incident. I had asked for them, but it wasn't until this incident, that they were quickly put in place.
And to the school's credit, the other child was suspended. Yet I was told, "this isn't the first time he's tried these attention getting devices", and my response was, "Why didn't you tell me?" I suppose school personnel get so tired of parents not caring, and are overwhelmed by all that goes on, that sometimes things fall through the cracks. But they shouldn't and now it's a line item in his IEP... I will be contacted!
And so, my first contacts with school personnel in MS didn't endear me to anyone. I was bold, passionate, outspoken, and had reached my limits with schools. I wasn't anyone's friend. But I'm cool with that... I have friends. What I was, however, was Robert's Mom.
And can you believe it? The following line item is now in Robert's IEP:
Robert's mother is extremely supportive of his education and maintains great communication with his teachers and support staff. She provides academic and behavior support at home and is concerned for Robert's best educational environment."
Bless them!
Along this journey, I've met several people who would be happy if I dropped off the face of the earth. Not my problem. I've also met people who work hard for our children every day. Even if they aren't my friends, I admire them and am so thankful they are part of my child's life. And I've made a few friends who I love dearly... and thank for their passion and devotion to our children.
My intended message? Don't give up, don't worry about making friends, don't worry about keeping the peace. There may be times where you are your child's only advocate. Learn how to get your message across professionally, always back your position with data, learn how to negotiate, and learn when to speak up when it's needed. And never, ever, underestimate the power of prayer and the promise that Right will Prevail!
I homeschooled both boys in their early years. The reasons I chose homeschooling were varied: Merrimack (NH) didn't have public kindergarten, both boys had delays, homeschooling gave us freedom and more time for bonding, they'd been rejected for early intervention in WA state (which I now know was illegal)... and I wasn't ready to trust the school system with my children.
But through Special Olympics, I met a wonderful lady who oversaw the sped program at Reed's Ferry Elementary in New Hampshire. One day she said to me, "Please let me have a chance with your son." And things went well. Not perfect, I didn't know how to get speech for Robert... but the school system put both boys on IEP's and Robert had OT, PT, and accommodations. (Ryann had speech and OT but no longer needs an IEP although he still struggles with auditory sensitivity). Unfortunately, despite a decent school system, my marriage was finally disintegrating. And I moved home to Virginia.
Although the small town to which I fled offered many positives, my sons were now at the mercy of a school system that didn't care... Don't get me wrong, there were some that tried, and some who fought the brave fight... but I was one woman, fighting a political machine. I remember the first IEP meeting... they'd lined up a dozen folks in a small classroom and I guess I was meant to be intimidated. Four hours later I called my best friend and said, "I'm going to be a while"... and for the next two years I learned how to fight the good fight. I joined the Sped Advisory Committee for the county, I pulled in a research team from Richmond... and again, while there are those who tried to help, their best efforts could not give my son what he needed.
Most of you know how I ended up in DeSoto County, MS. Their reputed public school autism program and the woman who loves our children, brought me here. And even though there are bumps along the way, I still say... we have it GOOD in DeSoto County. Robert has Speech (after 3 other states denied him), OT, Social Skills group, transportation accomodations, sensory diet, and other accommodations. My children are blossoming... and we are blessed.
But recently, someone said to me, "I want my IEP meeting to be peaceful". And heck, I sure agree with that statement. I'd like everything to be peaceful. But it doesn't work that way. Sometimes you have to be bold, you have to project an image... to get your children what they need.
When we first got to MS, we had an IEP meeting prior to Robert's admission to school. I think folks listened but they didn't "get it"... perhaps they needed to meet Robert, perhaps they were overburdened (God bless our teachers who are so very overworked and underpaid), perhaps they weren't used to a parent who participated in their child's education process, perhaps.... I had to prove myself.
I'm not sure what the exact answer was, but as I go through the documents in Robert's file, I see an email written about me which was written right after I got here, dtd 1-29-08 and states in part "...in her response below that she has other concerns she feels aren't being acknowledged. From this point on, I will only communicate with her in person with someone else or by phone with someone present." No doubt this was written because I'd been a bit outspoken, been pushing for services.
But even then, my concerns weren't taken into account as they should, when Robert was hit in the face in school, his glasses broken, and I rushed to the school on Feb 4th... to find my baby hurt and upset. Granted, Robert had acted out in the bathroom (and from his perspective he got in big trouble with me) but there should've been safeguards in place prior to the incident. I had asked for them, but it wasn't until this incident, that they were quickly put in place.
And to the school's credit, the other child was suspended. Yet I was told, "this isn't the first time he's tried these attention getting devices", and my response was, "Why didn't you tell me?" I suppose school personnel get so tired of parents not caring, and are overwhelmed by all that goes on, that sometimes things fall through the cracks. But they shouldn't and now it's a line item in his IEP... I will be contacted!
And so, my first contacts with school personnel in MS didn't endear me to anyone. I was bold, passionate, outspoken, and had reached my limits with schools. I wasn't anyone's friend. But I'm cool with that... I have friends. What I was, however, was Robert's Mom.
And can you believe it? The following line item is now in Robert's IEP:
Robert's mother is extremely supportive of his education and maintains great communication with his teachers and support staff. She provides academic and behavior support at home and is concerned for Robert's best educational environment."
Bless them!
Along this journey, I've met several people who would be happy if I dropped off the face of the earth. Not my problem. I've also met people who work hard for our children every day. Even if they aren't my friends, I admire them and am so thankful they are part of my child's life. And I've made a few friends who I love dearly... and thank for their passion and devotion to our children.
My intended message? Don't give up, don't worry about making friends, don't worry about keeping the peace. There may be times where you are your child's only advocate. Learn how to get your message across professionally, always back your position with data, learn how to negotiate, and learn when to speak up when it's needed. And never, ever, underestimate the power of prayer and the promise that Right will Prevail!
Love Never Dies
Long before Andrew Lloyd Weber decided to create a sequel to
"Phantom of the Opera" (entitled "Love Never Dies"), I had been teaching
my boys to use this saying as a mantra.
When we've had to move away from family and friends? We will miss them, but love never dies.
When there's been a bad grade, or a window broken, or a misdeed? There have been consequences, but love never dies.
When the boys express longing to have had more time with their grandfather? We talk about all the memories of him, and know that love never dies.
Through times of frustration or celebration, arguments or peace, even at times when it seems an impossible task, I try to have a house where love never dies.
And so, when I came home from work and found the giant message in a tiny little cut-out heart taped to my computer monitor... I thanked the Heavens for a love that never dies.
When we've had to move away from family and friends? We will miss them, but love never dies.
When there's been a bad grade, or a window broken, or a misdeed? There have been consequences, but love never dies.
When the boys express longing to have had more time with their grandfather? We talk about all the memories of him, and know that love never dies.
Through times of frustration or celebration, arguments or peace, even at times when it seems an impossible task, I try to have a house where love never dies.
And so, when I came home from work and found the giant message in a tiny little cut-out heart taped to my computer monitor... I thanked the Heavens for a love that never dies.
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| Originally written and posted on facebook April 23, 2010. Sharing via Blog in time for Valentine's Day! |
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