It's Not My Fault: I Heard It On The Radio...

After I dropped the boys off at school, I was listening to the radio and learned that today is 
Single Parents Appreciation Day. These are my candid thoughts. Reader, beware.

Single Parents Appreciation Day?
Quite frankly, who thought this was a good idea?
Raising awareness?
Just look around folks...  Single Moms and Dads are everywhere.
But you already knew that, so tell me again how this will "raise awareness?"

Single Parents Appreciation Day?
We don't need a special day in our honor.
We don't need another reason to spend money.
We don't need help just one day out of the year.
We don't need a reminder that our children don't have the benefit of two full-time parents.
We don't need a reminder of our children's pain.
We don't need a card.
We don't need a poem.
We can't afford a party or dinner out.

What we need is a nap.
And someone to clean the house.
We need our churches to lift us up.
We need family members to encourage us.
We need our government to see our financial burdens and help us collect child support.
We need school teachers who accept our best efforts and do not marginalize our children's abilities.
We need someone to mow the lawn.
We need a vacation.
We need prayer, miracles, and tangible help every single day of the year.

What? I sound bitter?
No, I am tired. I'm sick of the patronizing comments. I'm fed up with non-committal blather. "Call me if you need anything"... real friends show up at the door, they weren't called. "I don't know how you do it." Yes you do... It's a combination of sleeplessness, responsibility, and sacrifice. What you really meant was: "I'm glad it's not me."

Unless you've personally been there, you will not get it. Being "a child of" a single parent or having a spouse who "travels a lot" -- doesn't count. Don't tell me it does. You can't get it. I couldn't until I was one. And I certainly don't wish it on you.

(Trust me, I know of what I speak. I was a good military wife while being a parent, and my "husband away" trumps yours ---military spouses excluded).

It boils down to this: Single parents either curl up in a ball in a corner and let the state or someone else take their children. OR, if you truly love your children, you parent them, you own it like a boss (at least outwardly) and do what needs to be done.

But wait, what about children showing their appreciation for their parents?
Really?  Every day, all parents should get appreciation.
But our society seems to have forgotten that idea.

So let me say this:
When my sons man-up and do chores, I get appreciation.
When they make do without, and don't complain, I get appreciation.
When they study hard in school, I get appreciation.
When they worry about me, I get appreciation.
When they say "I Love You, Mom," I get appreciation.
When they hug me, I get appreciation.

I'm already blessed with two parenting holidays to celebrate: Mother's Day and Father's Day.
So, thanks for the sentiment, I'm sure it was well-intentioned, but I don't need a third parenting "holiday." I don't have the time, energy, or money to celebrate it.

Prayers for Andrew

This morning I found myself on the floor in my son's room. In front of me was one of his aquariums and in it, his beloved Andrew.

Earlier, I'd taken the boys to school, and returned home for a quick nap before heading to work. Now, the house was quiet. Just the geckos, the dog, and I.

While saying my morning prayers, I'd felt led to wander into my son's room. I thought about this morning. How my son had come to me, not his usual bouncy morning self... How he'd sat on the edge of my bed and although I was barely awake, he had poured out his heart: "Mom, I think Andrew is sick. I don't think what we're doing is working."

At the time, I'd still been groggy after night shift and just a couple hours sleep. I remember sitting up and putting an arm around him and murmuring something. I pray it was encouraging. I do know I told him there was no way I could afford a trip to an exotic pet veterinarian. No need to go into details, but with hospital bills, no child support coming in, and other priorities like groceries and rent, he knew I was right.

He tucked his head, looked at me for reassurance, and went on with his morning routine.

Thinking back, I realize how much quieter than usual he was today. I didn't have to remind him to focus. There was no need for jumping jacks to calm his body. The burden on his heart was calming his mind.

And so, on the floor, on eye level with Andrew, my prayer began:

Dear God,
I know you are the Father of all. I am helpless to do anything on my own, but I know You are capable of mighty things. If it's your will, please heal Andrew. Please let him get well, whatever may be ailing him. Please heal the heart of my oldest. You sent this gecko to my son. You used this gecko (and Lizzy) to teach my son to love... something I was desperately afraid would not happen. I know I've never really liked lizards and snakes and all, but I do love these gecko's and I love my son. Please strengthen Andrew, strengthen Robert, and help me, to do and say the right thing.
Thank you for your blessings and mercy, and being with us through all things.
Amen.

I know it's just a lizard, and there's so very many important things going on in the world... But if you have time today, would you say a prayer for Andrew? and Robert?

Andrew... this morning.

Update 3/25/13:
Our God uses amazing circumstances to bring all of us closer to Him. And his miracles never cease!
Through this blog, and good friends, God connected us with Vet techs, and a Zookeeper at the Salt Lake City Zoo. We were able to help Andrew get electrolytes and clear out his digestive tract and he is back on track. It wasn't easy, but it was a labor of love! We are so very thankful for your prayers and for your concern. We are blessed indeed!