Just in case anyone asks

Years have a way of flying by...

Yesterday, I stood on the sidelines of a football field and watched my two sons perform in an award-winning marching band program.

As I looked at their handsome faces, I saw disciplined concentration, focusing solely on their performance.
As I watched the band move across the field, I saw my sons balance on tip-toe, perform ballet moves, twist and turn, march backwards, and reverse directions in split-seconds.
For the duration of their presentation, I watched them hold instruments steady in an upright, level position for 10 long minutes as they entered the field, performed, and exited.
And the whole time, I thought to myself... wasn't it yesterday they were babies?

I suppose you could say, I saw the same things every parent saw: Children who are growing up, working towards a cause, performing as a team.

But for me, each and every single performance, each practice, each bus ride, each time my children are included in an activity, I also see God's miracles at work.

I stand there and watch my sons, and in the back of my mind, I see -- can't help but see -- two young boys who had so much against them. I see the young 3 year old, running through the apartment, babbling in some mix of Romanian and English, smiling at me as he emptied the Pampers box and laid his diapers out in designs on the carpet. I see the 3 year old who couldn't distinguish right from left, who had limited upper body strength (because he never crawled), and who had only known hunger and survival, and who was kicked out of preschool because of his energy level. And then I see him surrounded by peers who support him, who have helped him bring out his best efforts. And I see him marching proudly with that heavy barritone, blowing for all he's worth. And I see God.

I look at my tall, freshman son, playing his clarinet, marching on tip-toe, leaning forward and back. I watch his fingers fly across those keys as he works through a trilly passage. I am so proud, and thankful, because I also see a 17 month old baby who could not stand the feel of water on his skin, who screamed like a banshee when I tried to bathe him.(He had never had a bath). I see a boy who could not walk or run without falling. I see a child who did not speak. And I think of an Occupational Therapist who gently said, "You know he's autistic, too?"

These images flash in front of me as I wait for the performance to start. And then I push those memories to the side, and I watch my sons on the field... and I see miracles, and I am greatly humbled.


It is not for us to know God's purpose or His plan. I struggled with infertility for countless years. And God plucked two boys out of orphanages on the other side of the globe and matched them with this crazy old woman. Why? I can not say. But if we are able to glorify God and be a testimony to His glory and good works, than that is more than enough for me.

The next time someone asks you, "Have you seen God at work in your life today?" please share your miracles! If I am asked, I will gaze with love at two teenage boys, and tell you, "I see Him at work every single day."

May the Circle Be Unbroken...

 Driving to school a few days ago, the conversation was a mix of the usual:
-Don't forget to turn in your assignments.
-Grandma will be picking you up, don't make her wait.
-Did you comb your hair? 
 ... interspersed with school and band updates from the back seat crowd.

Then, I heard my oldest say, "Well, <student> got in trouble for losing his music. Like I do, sometimes."(1)

We were sitting at a red light and I turned slightly to look at my son. Referring to the student, I said, "He is a very nice young man. You know he is autistic, like you?"

My oldest son's eyes met mine for a brief minute. The light changed, we moved on, but the conversation continued.

As I drove down the road, I continued, "I got to know him a little bit at band camp. You know he's hard of hearing, too? Actually, I don't know if it's auditory processing or deafness... He is very polite and really is trying hard." Both of my sons attested to the young freshman's earnest efforts, and good attitude.

I then asked my oldest son, "Are you helping him, the way the upperclassmen have helped you? Are you looking out for him the way others have looked out for you? You understand... Leaders are advocates, Leaders help others learn how to help themselves. You're growing up, you need to be as positive in this child's life as others have been in yours."

From the backseat, there is a moment of quiet, then "I'm going to talk to my friends who are section leaders. We can help him. I'm going to talk to the band director, too."

As I smiled to myself, I asked "Well, what are you going to say? You can't just walk up, point at someone, and be insensitive. You must find the right way to say things, help them keep their pride, but achieve goals, too. Let's have a plan."

And so, we practiced social skills ... 
-When talking to the upperclassmen and section leaders, to be discrete, quiet, and to choose the appropriate students who will work with this student.
-When approaching the Band Director, to start delicately, with "Excuse me, Sir" and "I thank you and respect you" before broaching any concerns about the needs of this particular student. 

Later that night, I asked my son how his efforts were received. "Well, mom, some of the other kids are going to work with him. I'll look out for him, too. And <Mr. Band Director> thanked me for coming to him and telling him my concerns. He said he knew he was autistic and is going to hold him to the same high standards he holds me."

I told my son I was proud of him, of how he conducted himself, and how he stood up for someone who needed help. I reminded him of his goal to be section leader, I reminded him, "This is how a true leader operates. They build their team, then they achieve greater goals." I reminded him, "Think about the upperclassmen and students who look out for you, teach you, and help you."

He responded by saying "Yeah" and telling me he needed to get back to his minecraft game, and that he loved me. (He got it, but he was done).

Fast forward to last night. I was at work, and Grandma was on the parenting scene. She sent me a rather lengthy text (no easy feat for Grandma), telling me how a compassionate, caring Senior band student had stayed after school with my oldest son. For almost an hour, they had worked on my son's marching routine.

You see, while my son is blessed with the ability to quickly memorize music, coordination of hand and feet movement is much more difficult for him. This is because of challenges with "crossing the midline" or "cross-lateral motion," often experienced by persons who are Autistic. (2)

Here at our house, this is a skill we've been working on since my oldest son's diagnosis, almost 10 years ago. I would use masking tape and create figure 8's on the garage floor - and walk those 8's with both of my sons. We would play a foot-hand/sock-matching game, we did grapevine walks, and crab walks... and so much more. And for all that effort, the boys have made remarkable progress. But some challenges still remain. We will keep working, keep praying, and keep moving forward.

And so, I'm thinking about a Senior student with a kind heart. This same Senior (and several other beloved band members / upperclassmen) have been looking out for my son since he started marching band last year. They have been patient - they have been compassionate - they have helped mold my son into a fine member of the marching band. I'm thinking about the parents of these students... what an amazing job they've done in raising children who are making changes in this world - at young ages. They will go out and do amazing things, of this I'm sure. And they are teaching those around them to build one another up, not tear them down. We should all behave in such a grand manner.

.... May this circle be unbroken!



(1) To learn more about Executive Functioning and Organizational Skills, click here:  http://www.ncld.org/types-learning-disabilities/executive-function-disorders/organization-crucial-executive-skill-child-ld
(2) To learn more about Crossing the Midline / Cross-Lateral Motion, click here:  http://nspt4kids.com/parenting/help-your-child-develop-the-crossing-the-midline-skill/