It can't be easy on my boys, being raised by a Geek. I can't help myself. I'm a reader, a thinker, and a researcher.
I had developed some strong ideas about television and parenting, before I became a parent. The plan was simple: More Books, Less TV. If the tv was going to be on, it would only be PBS and documentaries. No trash tv, no questionable values. No need to fill our brains with something that wasn't educational or purposeful. It sure was easy to be an authority on parenting... when I didn't have children!
Looking at the big picture, some of my righteous pre-parenting goals have been met. Reading does happen in our house, most days. Our home library is an eclectic mix of children's classics, historical biographies, research and educational volumes. We don't have cable tv, and thankfully have never watched a single "reality" show. (I still maintain that our lives are as much 'reality' as I can handle).
Yet, my sons, with their needs and learning styles, have changed my perspective on tv viewing for children. With great humility, I admit my oldest (born overseas and not my son until age 3-1/2) learned a lot of English from watching 'Yan Can Cook.' Props also go to The Weather Channel, for helping me teach geography, math, and social studies to both boys. My son still has a framed, autographed picture from Dr. Steve Lyons on his wall, and the "Tropical Update" remains must-see viewing on the internet. As the boys have gotten older, I've allowed them to watch NCIS and Dr. Who, but that was the extent of our 'fluff' tv-watching.
But, there is something I must confess. I watch junk tv comedy (love my Golden Girls dvds) when the kids aren't around. On top of that, I've developed relationships with two very different men. At first, I was able to hide these gentlemen from my children. But both men make me laugh and forget my troubles. I escape with them when I am tired and need a dose of humor. One day I turned on junk tv while the boys were home. They were in their rooms, they weren't paying any attention, I was tired....
And as I was watching an episode of Frasier, the boys heard me laugh. They came out to the living room to investigate and ended up sitting with me through the episode. And I noticed something. My oldest son, who is very high functioning and diagnosed with Autism, looked at me on a couple occasions and said "What does that mean?" I realized, the double entendre's and awkward social situations on the show were teaching my son Social Skills, better than any lecture from me. And thus the boys met those two special men of mine, and we began a journey through (almost*) every episode of Frasier, and then Bernie Mac.
The dialogue that's been created in our home has been fantastic. "Why did Frasier say that?" ... "Is his Dad upset?" .... "Was that the right thing to do?" .... "Why did the children do that?" .... "Is that the right way to react?" Yes, it takes us longer than most people to get through the episodes, and my youngest son patiently waits while the oldest figures things out. But he is learning, and having fun while he learns.
I watch my oldest with interest during these episodes. I see where we need work, and also how far he's come. There was a time when he could not identify idioms. Now, when an unfamiliar figure-of-speech is used, he will turn to me and ask, "What does that mean?" Sometimes he will seek reassurance from me, "That's funny, isn't it?" ...
And once again, I am amazed at what God has brought forth, for the opportunity for my son to learn, for the bonding that comes with laughter, for the family time, and for the growth. And I am humbled, because the entire process came out of something I had considered off-limits.
As for learning social skills from tv shows, an article from Psychology Today states, "viewers often empathize with the characters or at the least think about
what they would do if they were faced with similar situations. Constant
viewing of these shows provides the audiences with opportunities to
broaden and enrich their social toolbox and to think about some of their
own issues." **
It's tough to let go of lofty ideas, and hard for parents to admit when they're wrong. I could've snapped off the tv as soon as the boys came into the living room that day. But we would've missed fantastic social skills teaching and family time. My vision and hopes for the boys haven't changed. I still use documentaries to reinforce science and history. Books are still prized possessions. God is our Anchor. Reality tv is still off limits. I'm still a Geek.
Our existence is nothing like 'The Brady Bunch' or 'Father Knows Best,' but if I am to be honest and give due credit, there are several folks from TV Land who've helped me along the way. My pre-parenting self might cringe, but I heartily say "thank you" to Elmo, Yan, Kipper, Thomas the Tank Engine, Franklin, Arthur, Bill Nye, The Magic School Bus, Mr. Rogers, Schoolhouse Rock, Andy Griffith, Reading Rainbow, and... Frasier & Bernie Mac. You have all helped me raise my sons.
*You should know by now they aren't going to watch every episode...not all of it's suitable viewing for children.
**http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-central/200908/can-tv-increase-social-skills
Copyright
Showing posts with label social skills. Show all posts
Showing posts with label social skills. Show all posts
Monday, December 30, 2013
Thursday, September 12, 2013
May the Circle Be Unbroken...
Driving to school a few days ago, the conversation was a mix of the usual:
-Don't forget to turn in your assignments.
-Grandma will be picking you up, don't make her wait.
-Did you comb your hair?
... interspersed with school and band updates from the back seat crowd.
Then, I heard my oldest say, "Well, <student> got in trouble for losing his music. Like I do, sometimes."(1)
We were sitting at a red light and I turned slightly to look at my son. Referring to the student, I said, "He is a very nice young man. You know he is autistic, like you?"
My oldest son's eyes met mine for a brief minute. The light changed, we moved on, but the conversation continued.
As I drove down the road, I continued, "I got to know him a little bit at band camp. You know he's hard of hearing, too? Actually, I don't know if it's auditory processing or deafness... He is very polite and really is trying hard." Both of my sons attested to the young freshman's earnest efforts, and good attitude.
I then asked my oldest son, "Are you helping him, the way the upperclassmen have helped you? Are you looking out for him the way others have looked out for you? You understand... Leaders are advocates, Leaders help others learn how to help themselves. You're growing up, you need to be as positive in this child's life as others have been in yours."
From the backseat, there is a moment of quiet, then "I'm going to talk to my friends who are section leaders. We can help him. I'm going to talk to the band director, too."
As I smiled to myself, I asked "Well, what are you going to say? You can't just walk up, point at someone, and be insensitive. You must find the right way to say things, help them keep their pride, but achieve goals, too. Let's have a plan."
And so, we practiced social skills ...
-When talking to the upperclassmen and section leaders, to be discrete, quiet, and to choose the appropriate students who will work with this student.
-When approaching the Band Director, to start delicately, with "Excuse me, Sir" and "I thank you and respect you" before broaching any concerns about the needs of this particular student.
Later that night, I asked my son how his efforts were received. "Well, mom, some of the other kids are going to work with him. I'll look out for him, too. And <Mr. Band Director> thanked me for coming to him and telling him my concerns. He said he knew he was autistic and is going to hold him to the same high standards he holds me."
I told my son I was proud of him, of how he conducted himself, and how he stood up for someone who needed help. I reminded him of his goal to be section leader, I reminded him, "This is how a true leader operates. They build their team, then they achieve greater goals." I reminded him, "Think about the upperclassmen and students who look out for you, teach you, and help you."
He responded by saying "Yeah" and telling me he needed to get back to his minecraft game, and that he loved me. (He got it, but he was done).
Fast forward to last night. I was at work, and Grandma was on the parenting scene. She sent me a rather lengthy text (no easy feat for Grandma), telling me how a compassionate, caring Senior band student had stayed after school with my oldest son. For almost an hour, they had worked on my son's marching routine.
You see, while my son is blessed with the ability to quickly memorize music, coordination of hand and feet movement is much more difficult for him. This is because of challenges with "crossing the midline" or "cross-lateral motion," often experienced by persons who are Autistic. (2)
Here at our house, this is a skill we've been working on since my oldest son's diagnosis, almost 10 years ago. I would use masking tape and create figure 8's on the garage floor - and walk those 8's with both of my sons. We would play a foot-hand/sock-matching game, we did grapevine walks, and crab walks... and so much more. And for all that effort, the boys have made remarkable progress. But some challenges still remain. We will keep working, keep praying, and keep moving forward.
And so, I'm thinking about a Senior student with a kind heart. This same Senior (and several other beloved band members / upperclassmen) have been looking out for my son since he started marching band last year. They have been patient - they have been compassionate - they have helped mold my son into a fine member of the marching band. I'm thinking about the parents of these students... what an amazing job they've done in raising children who are making changes in this world - at young ages. They will go out and do amazing things, of this I'm sure. And they are teaching those around them to build one another up, not tear them down. We should all behave in such a grand manner.
.... May this circle be unbroken!
(1) To learn more about Executive Functioning and Organizational Skills, click here: http://www.ncld.org/types-learning-disabilities/executive-function-disorders/organization-crucial-executive-skill-child-ld
(2) To learn more about Crossing the Midline / Cross-Lateral Motion, click here: http://nspt4kids.com/parenting/help-your-child-develop-the-crossing-the-midline-skill/
-Don't forget to turn in your assignments.
-Grandma will be picking you up, don't make her wait.
-Did you comb your hair?
... interspersed with school and band updates from the back seat crowd.
Then, I heard my oldest say, "Well, <student> got in trouble for losing his music. Like I do, sometimes."(1)
We were sitting at a red light and I turned slightly to look at my son. Referring to the student, I said, "He is a very nice young man. You know he is autistic, like you?"
My oldest son's eyes met mine for a brief minute. The light changed, we moved on, but the conversation continued.
As I drove down the road, I continued, "I got to know him a little bit at band camp. You know he's hard of hearing, too? Actually, I don't know if it's auditory processing or deafness... He is very polite and really is trying hard." Both of my sons attested to the young freshman's earnest efforts, and good attitude.
I then asked my oldest son, "Are you helping him, the way the upperclassmen have helped you? Are you looking out for him the way others have looked out for you? You understand... Leaders are advocates, Leaders help others learn how to help themselves. You're growing up, you need to be as positive in this child's life as others have been in yours."
From the backseat, there is a moment of quiet, then "I'm going to talk to my friends who are section leaders. We can help him. I'm going to talk to the band director, too."
As I smiled to myself, I asked "Well, what are you going to say? You can't just walk up, point at someone, and be insensitive. You must find the right way to say things, help them keep their pride, but achieve goals, too. Let's have a plan."
And so, we practiced social skills ...
-When talking to the upperclassmen and section leaders, to be discrete, quiet, and to choose the appropriate students who will work with this student.
-When approaching the Band Director, to start delicately, with "Excuse me, Sir" and "I thank you and respect you" before broaching any concerns about the needs of this particular student.
Later that night, I asked my son how his efforts were received. "Well, mom, some of the other kids are going to work with him. I'll look out for him, too. And <Mr. Band Director> thanked me for coming to him and telling him my concerns. He said he knew he was autistic and is going to hold him to the same high standards he holds me."
I told my son I was proud of him, of how he conducted himself, and how he stood up for someone who needed help. I reminded him of his goal to be section leader, I reminded him, "This is how a true leader operates. They build their team, then they achieve greater goals." I reminded him, "Think about the upperclassmen and students who look out for you, teach you, and help you."
He responded by saying "Yeah" and telling me he needed to get back to his minecraft game, and that he loved me. (He got it, but he was done).
Fast forward to last night. I was at work, and Grandma was on the parenting scene. She sent me a rather lengthy text (no easy feat for Grandma), telling me how a compassionate, caring Senior band student had stayed after school with my oldest son. For almost an hour, they had worked on my son's marching routine.
You see, while my son is blessed with the ability to quickly memorize music, coordination of hand and feet movement is much more difficult for him. This is because of challenges with "crossing the midline" or "cross-lateral motion," often experienced by persons who are Autistic. (2)
Here at our house, this is a skill we've been working on since my oldest son's diagnosis, almost 10 years ago. I would use masking tape and create figure 8's on the garage floor - and walk those 8's with both of my sons. We would play a foot-hand/sock-matching game, we did grapevine walks, and crab walks... and so much more. And for all that effort, the boys have made remarkable progress. But some challenges still remain. We will keep working, keep praying, and keep moving forward.
And so, I'm thinking about a Senior student with a kind heart. This same Senior (and several other beloved band members / upperclassmen) have been looking out for my son since he started marching band last year. They have been patient - they have been compassionate - they have helped mold my son into a fine member of the marching band. I'm thinking about the parents of these students... what an amazing job they've done in raising children who are making changes in this world - at young ages. They will go out and do amazing things, of this I'm sure. And they are teaching those around them to build one another up, not tear them down. We should all behave in such a grand manner.
.... May this circle be unbroken!
(1) To learn more about Executive Functioning and Organizational Skills, click here: http://www.ncld.org/types-learning-disabilities/executive-function-disorders/organization-crucial-executive-skill-child-ld
(2) To learn more about Crossing the Midline / Cross-Lateral Motion, click here: http://nspt4kids.com/parenting/help-your-child-develop-the-crossing-the-midline-skill/
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Life's a Dance
On the way to the band festival, Robert was full of excitement. He was
going to be a helper! Conversation went from band chatter to a very
solemn question about tonight's big event - his first school dance.
Yes, he's attending the Special Needs Prom at school tonight.
His question: "Do you think they'll have a waltz tonight? That's 1,2,3,4, isn't it?"
I told him they might play one but I really doubted it. I offered to help him with dance moves (he usually declines my offers) or watch some youtube videos.
He said, "No, I'll be ok."
Then he talked about seeing his friend, whom we'll call David, tonight. He and "David" have been buddies since 6th grade. "David" is a very tall young man, and as we know, Robert is not very tall. Together they look like Mutt & Jeff, but they've always looked out for each other. Robert would worry about David's grades, and David was a bit of protection for Robert.
Alas, this year, David has followed a different path at the high school and stays with the other students on the remediation hall, and Robert is advancing on a different path through school.
So, big happiness will come from their attending the dance together tonight. Robert told me, "David talked me into going to the prom."
...Fast forward to driving home after the festival.
Robert says, "Mom, I've got to be under my blanket for a while. It's a big day."
No problem, I'm thankful he recognizes his need to unwind. So, I turn on my computer and check messages.
I receive one from a friend who tells me: Robert has asked a young lady to the prom!
WHAT? I had no clue!
He has known this young lady a long time, and he knows she only likes him as a friend.
But still, he asked to the prom, YESTERDAY. And he never told me.
If it hadn't been for a dear friend's message, asking what the young lady should wear... I'd never have known!
This status update is long, so let me sum up and say:
I've cried many tears this afternoon.
Tears of sorrow for my son's social skills challenges.
Tears of thankfulness for friends who are kind and who love my son.
Tears as I think of those who are not so compassionate to my son.
Tears of gratefulness for a young lady's kind heart and christian love of a friend.
Tears of frustration because I didn't see this coming.
Tears of inadequacy because Robert said, "I didn't tell you because you're not a guy. We need a guy."
Tears of gratefulness -- for parents who are raising incredible young people.
Tears because there is still so much good in the world.
Tears because Kroger has corsages available at the last minute.
Tears because my son is growing up.
What a day.
I have to head to work and Grandma is coming over to pitch hit. She and Ryann will be taking pictures and keeping me updated.
Robert has learned he must always talk to Mom about these things, that he should have contacted the young lady's parents, that there are many things we should have done. He has had tears in his eyes. He didn't mean to cause a problem. He just wanted to go to the dance, and he wanted to ask his friend to go with him. He's still under his blanket.
I pray he has a good time tonight with his friends. I pray for many blessings for the young lady, and all the children attending the prom tonight. I pray Miss Clairol keeps making my shade of hair dye, because the grey continues to grow!
xoxo
Yes, he's attending the Special Needs Prom at school tonight.
His question: "Do you think they'll have a waltz tonight? That's 1,2,3,4, isn't it?"
I told him they might play one but I really doubted it. I offered to help him with dance moves (he usually declines my offers) or watch some youtube videos.
He said, "No, I'll be ok."
Then he talked about seeing his friend, whom we'll call David, tonight. He and "David" have been buddies since 6th grade. "David" is a very tall young man, and as we know, Robert is not very tall. Together they look like Mutt & Jeff, but they've always looked out for each other. Robert would worry about David's grades, and David was a bit of protection for Robert.
Alas, this year, David has followed a different path at the high school and stays with the other students on the remediation hall, and Robert is advancing on a different path through school.
So, big happiness will come from their attending the dance together tonight. Robert told me, "David talked me into going to the prom."
...Fast forward to driving home after the festival.
Robert says, "Mom, I've got to be under my blanket for a while. It's a big day."
No problem, I'm thankful he recognizes his need to unwind. So, I turn on my computer and check messages.
I receive one from a friend who tells me: Robert has asked a young lady to the prom!
WHAT? I had no clue!
He has known this young lady a long time, and he knows she only likes him as a friend.
But still, he asked to the prom, YESTERDAY. And he never told me.
If it hadn't been for a dear friend's message, asking what the young lady should wear... I'd never have known!
This status update is long, so let me sum up and say:
I've cried many tears this afternoon.
Tears of sorrow for my son's social skills challenges.
Tears of thankfulness for friends who are kind and who love my son.
Tears as I think of those who are not so compassionate to my son.
Tears of gratefulness for a young lady's kind heart and christian love of a friend.
Tears of frustration because I didn't see this coming.
Tears of inadequacy because Robert said, "I didn't tell you because you're not a guy. We need a guy."
Tears of gratefulness -- for parents who are raising incredible young people.
Tears because there is still so much good in the world.
Tears because Kroger has corsages available at the last minute.
Tears because my son is growing up.
What a day.
I have to head to work and Grandma is coming over to pitch hit. She and Ryann will be taking pictures and keeping me updated.
Robert has learned he must always talk to Mom about these things, that he should have contacted the young lady's parents, that there are many things we should have done. He has had tears in his eyes. He didn't mean to cause a problem. He just wanted to go to the dance, and he wanted to ask his friend to go with him. He's still under his blanket.
I pray he has a good time tonight with his friends. I pray for many blessings for the young lady, and all the children attending the prom tonight. I pray Miss Clairol keeps making my shade of hair dye, because the grey continues to grow!
xoxo
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Why Can't We Be Friends?
Life and Time often conspire against us, causing memories to be blurred and events forgotten. But as I review Robert's paperwork and reorganize his file, events are remembered. Combine the memories with recent events and I want to offer some reflections on our Special Ed journey.
I homeschooled both boys in their early years. The reasons I chose homeschooling were varied: Merrimack (NH) didn't have public kindergarten, both boys had delays, homeschooling gave us freedom and more time for bonding, they'd been rejected for early intervention in WA state (which I now know was illegal)... and I wasn't ready to trust the school system with my children.
But through Special Olympics, I met a wonderful lady who oversaw the sped program at Reed's Ferry Elementary in New Hampshire. One day she said to me, "Please let me have a chance with your son." And things went well. Not perfect, I didn't know how to get speech for Robert... but the school system put both boys on IEP's and Robert had OT, PT, and accommodations. (Ryann had speech and OT but no longer needs an IEP although he still struggles with auditory sensitivity). Unfortunately, despite a decent school system, my marriage was finally disintegrating. And I moved home to Virginia.
Although the small town to which I fled offered many positives, my sons were now at the mercy of a school system that didn't care... Don't get me wrong, there were some that tried, and some who fought the brave fight... but I was one woman, fighting a political machine. I remember the first IEP meeting... they'd lined up a dozen folks in a small classroom and I guess I was meant to be intimidated. Four hours later I called my best friend and said, "I'm going to be a while"... and for the next two years I learned how to fight the good fight. I joined the Sped Advisory Committee for the county, I pulled in a research team from Richmond... and again, while there are those who tried to help, their best efforts could not give my son what he needed.
Most of you know how I ended up in DeSoto County, MS. Their reputed public school autism program and the woman who loves our children, brought me here. And even though there are bumps along the way, I still say... we have it GOOD in DeSoto County. Robert has Speech (after 3 other states denied him), OT, Social Skills group, transportation accomodations, sensory diet, and other accommodations. My children are blossoming... and we are blessed.
But recently, someone said to me, "I want my IEP meeting to be peaceful". And heck, I sure agree with that statement. I'd like everything to be peaceful. But it doesn't work that way. Sometimes you have to be bold, you have to project an image... to get your children what they need.
When we first got to MS, we had an IEP meeting prior to Robert's admission to school. I think folks listened but they didn't "get it"... perhaps they needed to meet Robert, perhaps they were overburdened (God bless our teachers who are so very overworked and underpaid), perhaps they weren't used to a parent who participated in their child's education process, perhaps.... I had to prove myself.
I'm not sure what the exact answer was, but as I go through the documents in Robert's file, I see an email written about me which was written right after I got here, dtd 1-29-08 and states in part "...in her response below that she has other concerns she feels aren't being acknowledged. From this point on, I will only communicate with her in person with someone else or by phone with someone present." No doubt this was written because I'd been a bit outspoken, been pushing for services.
But even then, my concerns weren't taken into account as they should, when Robert was hit in the face in school, his glasses broken, and I rushed to the school on Feb 4th... to find my baby hurt and upset. Granted, Robert had acted out in the bathroom (and from his perspective he got in big trouble with me) but there should've been safeguards in place prior to the incident. I had asked for them, but it wasn't until this incident, that they were quickly put in place.
And to the school's credit, the other child was suspended. Yet I was told, "this isn't the first time he's tried these attention getting devices", and my response was, "Why didn't you tell me?" I suppose school personnel get so tired of parents not caring, and are overwhelmed by all that goes on, that sometimes things fall through the cracks. But they shouldn't and now it's a line item in his IEP... I will be contacted!
And so, my first contacts with school personnel in MS didn't endear me to anyone. I was bold, passionate, outspoken, and had reached my limits with schools. I wasn't anyone's friend. But I'm cool with that... I have friends. What I was, however, was Robert's Mom.
And can you believe it? The following line item is now in Robert's IEP:
Robert's mother is extremely supportive of his education and maintains great communication with his teachers and support staff. She provides academic and behavior support at home and is concerned for Robert's best educational environment."
Bless them!
Along this journey, I've met several people who would be happy if I dropped off the face of the earth. Not my problem. I've also met people who work hard for our children every day. Even if they aren't my friends, I admire them and am so thankful they are part of my child's life. And I've made a few friends who I love dearly... and thank for their passion and devotion to our children.
My intended message? Don't give up, don't worry about making friends, don't worry about keeping the peace. There may be times where you are your child's only advocate. Learn how to get your message across professionally, always back your position with data, learn how to negotiate, and learn when to speak up when it's needed. And never, ever, underestimate the power of prayer and the promise that Right will Prevail!
I homeschooled both boys in their early years. The reasons I chose homeschooling were varied: Merrimack (NH) didn't have public kindergarten, both boys had delays, homeschooling gave us freedom and more time for bonding, they'd been rejected for early intervention in WA state (which I now know was illegal)... and I wasn't ready to trust the school system with my children.
But through Special Olympics, I met a wonderful lady who oversaw the sped program at Reed's Ferry Elementary in New Hampshire. One day she said to me, "Please let me have a chance with your son." And things went well. Not perfect, I didn't know how to get speech for Robert... but the school system put both boys on IEP's and Robert had OT, PT, and accommodations. (Ryann had speech and OT but no longer needs an IEP although he still struggles with auditory sensitivity). Unfortunately, despite a decent school system, my marriage was finally disintegrating. And I moved home to Virginia.
Although the small town to which I fled offered many positives, my sons were now at the mercy of a school system that didn't care... Don't get me wrong, there were some that tried, and some who fought the brave fight... but I was one woman, fighting a political machine. I remember the first IEP meeting... they'd lined up a dozen folks in a small classroom and I guess I was meant to be intimidated. Four hours later I called my best friend and said, "I'm going to be a while"... and for the next two years I learned how to fight the good fight. I joined the Sped Advisory Committee for the county, I pulled in a research team from Richmond... and again, while there are those who tried to help, their best efforts could not give my son what he needed.
Most of you know how I ended up in DeSoto County, MS. Their reputed public school autism program and the woman who loves our children, brought me here. And even though there are bumps along the way, I still say... we have it GOOD in DeSoto County. Robert has Speech (after 3 other states denied him), OT, Social Skills group, transportation accomodations, sensory diet, and other accommodations. My children are blossoming... and we are blessed.
But recently, someone said to me, "I want my IEP meeting to be peaceful". And heck, I sure agree with that statement. I'd like everything to be peaceful. But it doesn't work that way. Sometimes you have to be bold, you have to project an image... to get your children what they need.
When we first got to MS, we had an IEP meeting prior to Robert's admission to school. I think folks listened but they didn't "get it"... perhaps they needed to meet Robert, perhaps they were overburdened (God bless our teachers who are so very overworked and underpaid), perhaps they weren't used to a parent who participated in their child's education process, perhaps.... I had to prove myself.
I'm not sure what the exact answer was, but as I go through the documents in Robert's file, I see an email written about me which was written right after I got here, dtd 1-29-08 and states in part "...in her response below that she has other concerns she feels aren't being acknowledged. From this point on, I will only communicate with her in person with someone else or by phone with someone present." No doubt this was written because I'd been a bit outspoken, been pushing for services.
But even then, my concerns weren't taken into account as they should, when Robert was hit in the face in school, his glasses broken, and I rushed to the school on Feb 4th... to find my baby hurt and upset. Granted, Robert had acted out in the bathroom (and from his perspective he got in big trouble with me) but there should've been safeguards in place prior to the incident. I had asked for them, but it wasn't until this incident, that they were quickly put in place.
And to the school's credit, the other child was suspended. Yet I was told, "this isn't the first time he's tried these attention getting devices", and my response was, "Why didn't you tell me?" I suppose school personnel get so tired of parents not caring, and are overwhelmed by all that goes on, that sometimes things fall through the cracks. But they shouldn't and now it's a line item in his IEP... I will be contacted!
And so, my first contacts with school personnel in MS didn't endear me to anyone. I was bold, passionate, outspoken, and had reached my limits with schools. I wasn't anyone's friend. But I'm cool with that... I have friends. What I was, however, was Robert's Mom.
And can you believe it? The following line item is now in Robert's IEP:
Robert's mother is extremely supportive of his education and maintains great communication with his teachers and support staff. She provides academic and behavior support at home and is concerned for Robert's best educational environment."
Bless them!
Along this journey, I've met several people who would be happy if I dropped off the face of the earth. Not my problem. I've also met people who work hard for our children every day. Even if they aren't my friends, I admire them and am so thankful they are part of my child's life. And I've made a few friends who I love dearly... and thank for their passion and devotion to our children.
My intended message? Don't give up, don't worry about making friends, don't worry about keeping the peace. There may be times where you are your child's only advocate. Learn how to get your message across professionally, always back your position with data, learn how to negotiate, and learn when to speak up when it's needed. And never, ever, underestimate the power of prayer and the promise that Right will Prevail!
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
A Picture of Us
Ignored. Taken for granted. Unappreciated....
Sounds the way most of us feel. But I'm talking about my refrigerator.
During this month where it's fashionable to give thanks each day for our blessings, I want to go beyond family, friends... look for the unexpected and overlooked. (Something I should do everyday, not just during a month of Thanksgiving).
Like the black appliance taking up wall space in my kitchen. Day in and day out, we take it for granted. It keeps our milk cool and eggs fresh, it's freezer stores our dinners. But in reality, it's truly a centerpiece in our lives' existence.
It's a photo album and family chronology;
It's memories and mementos of places traveled and family outings;
It's a reason to practice music "See that pile of bills from the music store? You better practice!"; It's a homework reminder with science project rules, music scores to review, and a reading log to sign;
It's a message center with hand-written notes left for each other - sometimes practical, sometimes hilarious, sometimes both;
It's an art gallery of my youngest's creative talents and a repository of my oldest's needs: his creed and his social skills reminders;
It's a printed prayer card and snippets of favorite devotionals;
It is our social life: band calendar, work calendar, reminders.
It's a statement of human kindness, and God's provision, as a friend gave us this beautiful appliance to use.
It is a collage of Family. And it is a picture of... Love
Sounds the way most of us feel. But I'm talking about my refrigerator.
During this month where it's fashionable to give thanks each day for our blessings, I want to go beyond family, friends... look for the unexpected and overlooked. (Something I should do everyday, not just during a month of Thanksgiving).
Like the black appliance taking up wall space in my kitchen. Day in and day out, we take it for granted. It keeps our milk cool and eggs fresh, it's freezer stores our dinners. But in reality, it's truly a centerpiece in our lives' existence.
It's a photo album and family chronology;
It's memories and mementos of places traveled and family outings;
It's a reason to practice music "See that pile of bills from the music store? You better practice!"; It's a homework reminder with science project rules, music scores to review, and a reading log to sign;
It's a message center with hand-written notes left for each other - sometimes practical, sometimes hilarious, sometimes both;
It's an art gallery of my youngest's creative talents and a repository of my oldest's needs: his creed and his social skills reminders;
It's a printed prayer card and snippets of favorite devotionals;
It is our social life: band calendar, work calendar, reminders.
It's a statement of human kindness, and God's provision, as a friend gave us this beautiful appliance to use.
It is a collage of Family. And it is a picture of... Love
Monday, September 10, 2012
It's a Dude Thing
I wish I knew how to be a man. Seriously.
No, I'm not thinking about a sex change operation or making an announcement about my gender. I like being a woman. It's how God made me, and after all these decades, seems to be working for me, last time I checked.
But I'm raising two teenage boys on my own. Their father isn't around and their Grandfather (my father) is deceased. While I might wish to meet a nice man, I'm in no hurry, and have no desire to date just anyone to have a man around the house.
So where does that leave us?
Oh yeah, I'm trying to learn to think like a man...
God gave me these boys to raise and he knew what I'd be up against, so He graciously gave the boys great role models in teachers, friends-of-the-family, and via activities. But there's no significant male influence in our home. So it's up to me.
I can teach them manners (so far neither one scratches themselves in public very often) and I can teach them morals, praying they're listening. But the dude stuff?
About a year ago I realized, I had to get with the program!
So, we tackle dude-type projects together. Google has become my friend. I research inexpensive do-it-yourself projects and we take them on. The boys have learned about weeding and have done some landscaping and gardening. This spring we plastered and painted the kitchen, and made a backsplash behind the kitchen sink. We work as a family and we work hard. Our results might not be up to Bob Villa's standards, but they're ok!
But what about the rest of the dude-stuff? How to court a woman, how to be a gentleman, how to be a Dad? Well, I just tell them how I think a Man should act, how he should treat a lady, how to be respectful. And they've learned in their own way about how to be a real Dad. Antiquated or not, they open doors for women, they let ladies go first, and while they're a little young for dating I've already said "Well, if you were the parent of a teenage daughter, how would you want a boy to treat HER?"
I strive to raise up two righteous Christian young men who will go out and be successful in this life -- however that success is defined.
But the other day, a commercial came on tv depicting two men standing at a water cooler. One man started discussing sports, and the other mentioned yoga... Yoga dude ends up with water being thrown in his face. On some levels, I think the commercial is tacky. But, it's as if water was thrown on my face, too, because I realized... I have to teach a sport to my boys. I don't want them left out at the water cooler when they grow up!
I think my youngest son will be ok, he's sociable and is a great conversationalist.
But did I mention my oldest is very high functioning autistic? He has Asperger's Syndrome and has to be taught social skills. He's still coming to terms with the fact not every person will want to hear about his latest coin acquisition or his geckos, and he is slowly accepting the notion of making small talk with friends.
So I sat down with the boys and told them, "You have to pick a sport and come to understand it so when you grow up, and other guys at work start talking sports, you can talk about it too and fit in. It's a dude thing." His response was basically, "Mom, I know I'm a guy. I don't have to like sports." I don't know if I was right or wrong, and I don't know what a man would do but I said, "I don't care if it's your favorite thing, but it's something you need to know. It's a man thing."
So now we're going to pay attention to football and hockey a little more than we already do, and I'm going to pray about other male-bonding things I have to teach the boys.
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