It can't be easy on my boys, being raised by a Geek. I can't help myself. I'm a reader, a thinker, and a researcher.
I had developed some strong ideas about television and parenting, before I became a parent. The plan was simple: More Books, Less TV. If the tv was going to be on, it would only be PBS and documentaries. No trash tv, no questionable values. No need to fill our brains with something that wasn't educational or purposeful. It sure was easy to be an authority on parenting... when I didn't have children!
Looking at the big picture, some of my righteous pre-parenting goals have been met. Reading does happen in our house, most days. Our home library is an eclectic mix of children's classics, historical biographies, research and educational volumes. We don't have cable tv, and thankfully have never watched a single "reality" show. (I still maintain that our lives are as much 'reality' as I can handle).
Yet, my sons, with their needs and learning styles, have changed my perspective on tv viewing for children. With great humility, I admit my oldest (born overseas and not my son until age 3-1/2) learned a lot of English from watching 'Yan Can Cook.' Props also go to The Weather Channel, for helping me teach geography, math, and social studies to both boys. My son still has a framed, autographed picture from Dr. Steve Lyons on his wall, and the "Tropical Update" remains must-see viewing on the internet. As the boys have gotten older, I've allowed them to watch NCIS and Dr. Who, but that was the extent of our 'fluff' tv-watching.
But, there is something I must confess. I watch junk tv comedy (love my Golden Girls dvds) when the kids aren't around. On top of that, I've developed relationships with two very different men. At first, I was able to hide these gentlemen from my children. But both men make me laugh and forget my troubles. I escape with them when I am tired and need a dose of humor. One day I turned on junk tv while the boys were home. They were in their rooms, they weren't paying any attention, I was tired....
And as I was watching an episode of Frasier, the boys heard me laugh. They came out to the living room to investigate and ended up sitting with me through the episode. And I noticed something. My oldest son, who is very high functioning and diagnosed with Autism, looked at me on a couple occasions and said "What does that mean?" I realized, the double entendre's and awkward social situations on the show were teaching my son Social Skills, better than any lecture from me. And thus the boys met those two special men of mine, and we began a journey through (almost*) every episode of Frasier, and then Bernie Mac.
The dialogue that's been created in our home has been fantastic. "Why did Frasier say that?" ... "Is his Dad upset?" .... "Was that the right thing to do?" .... "Why did the children do that?" .... "Is that the right way to react?" Yes, it takes us longer than most people to get through the episodes, and my youngest son patiently waits while the oldest figures things out. But he is learning, and having fun while he learns.
I watch my oldest with interest during these episodes. I see where we need work, and also how far he's come. There was a time when he could not identify idioms. Now, when an unfamiliar figure-of-speech is used, he will turn to me and ask, "What does that mean?" Sometimes he will seek reassurance from me, "That's funny, isn't it?" ...
And once again, I am amazed at what God has brought forth, for the opportunity for my son to learn, for the bonding that comes with laughter, for the family time, and for the growth. And I am humbled, because the entire process came out of something I had considered off-limits.
As for learning social skills from tv shows, an article from Psychology Today states, "viewers often empathize with the characters or at the least think about
what they would do if they were faced with similar situations. Constant
viewing of these shows provides the audiences with opportunities to
broaden and enrich their social toolbox and to think about some of their
own issues." **
It's tough to let go of lofty ideas, and hard for parents to admit when they're wrong. I could've snapped off the tv as soon as the boys came into the living room that day. But we would've missed fantastic social skills teaching and family time. My vision and hopes for the boys haven't changed. I still use documentaries to reinforce science and history. Books are still prized possessions. God is our Anchor. Reality tv is still off limits. I'm still a Geek.
Our existence is nothing like 'The Brady Bunch' or 'Father Knows Best,' but if I am to be honest and give due credit, there are several folks from TV Land who've helped me along the way. My pre-parenting self might cringe, but I heartily say "thank you" to Elmo, Yan, Kipper, Thomas the Tank Engine, Franklin, Arthur, Bill Nye, The Magic School Bus, Mr. Rogers, Schoolhouse Rock, Andy Griffith, Reading Rainbow, and... Frasier & Bernie Mac. You have all helped me raise my sons.
*You should know by now they aren't going to watch every episode...not all of it's suitable viewing for children.
**http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-central/200908/can-tv-increase-social-skills
