Every so often, he would sit down, but was back on his feet in moments.
Back and forth, up, down. Making random comments as he passed.
I was exhausted. I had nearly cancelled our weekend because I was too tired to face the task of packing. Sharp, chastising words were almost out of mouth, but I stopped as I looked at his eyes.
He was sitting across from me, looking right at me, meeting my gaze. He needed me to understand.
I waited.
I waited.
He said, "Mom, this isn't home."
And there it was, staring at me: Autism.
As my son has matured, the days of constant and intense autism vigilance have lessened. Sometimes we go weeks without facing Autism. But it still lurks in the shadows.
So as my son looked me in the eye, searching for reassurance, he said, "This isn't home. My things aren't here."
And I looked him right in the eye, took a deep breath and said, "I love you. You are safe. But we are not going home. You are going to spend a lifetime making transitions, and this is one of them."
As I said the words, I prayed them, too. "You will go to college. You will have a career. You will travel with your wife and family. And you will be able to survive it all and sometimes have fun, too."
I'm not sure he believed me, but he seemed reassured. He settled down and enjoyed the weekend. New experiences (transitions and surroundings) are not easy for autistic persons, but we had a good time at the lake. Yes, there were compromises along the way, but he (and his brother) survived and had fun!
As for me? Well, I'm not going to forget looking into those eyes. It's taken years of effort to get this young man to make consistent eye contact. But he can do it. He did do it. And the same boy who (years ago) could not understand what "hunger" was, who could not understand the basic signals of his body, sat down and talked to me and tried to tell me what was going on in his world.
I'm always amazed how God works in our lives. I thought my weekend prayers were simply going to be of thanksgiving for good friends, and a blessed break from the demands of the world. In the end, I was thanking God for so much more: for the strides made over the years, for the reminder of work yet to be done, and for giving hope for the future... to both of us.
I'm always amazed how God works in our lives. I thought my weekend prayers were simply going to be of thanksgiving for good friends, and a blessed break from the demands of the world. In the end, I was thanking God for so much more: for the strides made over the years, for the reminder of work yet to be done, and for giving hope for the future... to both of us.
