Every day, and some sleepless (or nightmare filled) nights, I live with autism awareness. I'm aware my oldest son might not be understood, or accepted, or find his hoodie (yet again) or say something awkward, or be bullied, or be too full of energy, or forget an assignment, or not understand instructions, or .... the list is too long to write here. Every day, I pray my youngest will not be so overwhelmed by sounds in a pep rally or meeting that he comes home (again) violently ill, pale, and worn out from trying to process the extraneous sounds assaulting his ears. I pray he does not miss some critical piece of instruction while screening out other sounds in the environment. (Auditory Processing Disorder falls under the autism umbrella, it's something like bionic hearing but with no screen to filter out background noise).
I do not remember the last time I enjoyed the luxury of reading a novel. Instead I read news feeds, special education law updates, research articles, and follow political campaigns for autism related issues.
Sometimes the memories of past public encounters rise to the surface. I try to suppress them. I try to forgive and I try to rise above, and I try not to be caught up in the bitter. But the insidious images steal in sometimes and strike a blow to my being. I still see the woman who was bold enough to touch my son in the grocery store and tell me how to parent. I pray God gives me credit for not decking her, or launching into a tirade. I might have walked away but she still haunts me. I think of the educators who have been inadequate and of the times I've had to steel myself for meetings, yet attempt to squash my Irish temper so my son gets an appropriate education. I am not proud of the way my emotions have expressed themselves at times, and I resent being put into those situations. I think about all the "fun" events we didn't go to - still don't go to - because my son might not be able to handle the sounds, lights, interactions. I think of the therapies, the struggle... and I risk spiraling down into something dark, bitter, depressive. I fight this spiral every single day, and only God's grace and Friends-placed-in-my-life-by-Him keep me from falling into the abyss.
We humans are a pitiful lot. So often we get caught up in all the negatives, all the hurts, all the emotions, that we forget there is still much good in the world. It happens to all of us, in varying circumstances. We think no one cares, no one understands.
But we are wrong. People do care. There are great teachers and therapists who are shining lights in our children's lives. There are parents raising children who are compassionate, caring, and concerned. There are students who want to see their peers succeed, who are helpful, kind, committed.
In the past 48 hours, I have been witness to some profound sites:
*An entire school decked out in blue -- from teachers in blue capes, banners on the wall, the entire student body outfitted in shades of blue, signs on the school, along the roadway, and blue lights on the buildings.
*The blue puzzle piece the high school winter guard created to take on the road to state competition (because they would miss the race).
*An entire high school marching band (well, a great percentage of them) who came to race, and rally on the Square.
*A community that came out to the town square when they could've stayed in bed on a cold, rainy Saturday morning. But instead they came out in droves to support Autism awareness.
*The sight of 400 runners braving the weather and setting out to run a race for a good cause.
*Costumes & home-made t-shirts, each representing love and concern.
*Kind words, applause, acceptance.... the list goes on!
Autism is not going away. We desperately need to find a cure.
And I need to figure out a way to tell the folks at Hernando High School, and the entire Hernando community, how very much their commitment, energy, kindness, and acceptance means to me. They are making a difference in my sons' lives and lives of countless children here in DeSoto County and around the world. Their actions inspire other communities, give hope to parents, and are setting an example which all schools should follow. They are creating a legacy -- these images and memories will carry forth to college, marriages, and careers. Compassion and acceptance will reign, instead of the negative, cruel actions we too often see in the news.
Maybe a day will come when we will not need to have rallies and races to create awareness about autism or other special needs issues. I hope so. And I hope my sons & I can give back to the global community in deed and prayer, in thanksgiving for the difference Hernando has made in our lives, and the support they've given to the world-wide Autism Awareness campaigns.
You are shining lights, each of you.
I thank God for you!
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