Someone Saved my Life Tonight...

With all due respect to Sir Elton John, this song has been playing in my mind since this idea took root in my head... hence the title of this post.

When people learn about the boys' adoption stories, I'm often told, "You saved their lives." People mean well, and I realize the statement seems true...but do they really understand it when I say, "No, these children saved mine?"
~~~
Growing up, I dreamed of being a Mom. Not a lawyer, or doctor, or fireman. I wanted to be a Mom! As strong as that desire was, I also had a stirring in my spirit as I got older. I felt this overwhelming conviction I would never get pregnant, that my journey to Motherhood would not be easy.

The years rolled by ... high school, work, college classes, eventually marriage. A very painful period of my life began. It was a decade of infertility. A decade of feeling unworthy, of confusion, of bitterness, of pain. A decade of hating my body, and it's apparent betrayal. A decade of avoidance - of the problems in my marriage, and in my body. A decade of inadequacy, angst, and pleas to God. But through it all, my heart's desire did not change or waiver. I still longed to be a Mom.

Twice during those years, once in Boston, once in Northern California, I contacted social services  and inquired about adoption. Both times, I was greeted warmly until they learned I was married to a man in the military. The answer was the same: "We're sorry, but military families are never in one place long enough to complete the foster adopt process." Slam, another door shut in my face. Another hurt. Another rejection.

Looking back, I can see God's plan and purpose. But during that dark time, loss and despair were all I saw, all I felt. I grieved. I built walls. I tried to hide it, but the dark cloud in my spirit grew stronger. I was trapped, in several ways. The call to motherhood was stronger than ever, yet the way was unclear.

The year was 1998. I opened the newspaper and saw an ad for a class entitled, "How to Adopt." It had to be the Spirit which made me want to go to the class and try again. I'll never know what made my ex-husband agree to attend the class, but he went also. At the class I learned about hundreds of thousands of children living in orphanages in Russia, Romania, and the eastern bloc countries who were in need of homes.

And all of the sudden... Doors opened! Suddenly, there was possibility, encouragement, and support. Papers were signed, home inspections completed, applications submitted, all with hope in my heart. I was going to be a Mom!

All the while, events were unfolding on the other side of the globe. A teen mom, with no source of support and an ill child, made what must have been a very difficult decision. Records show she visited her son 3 times (after he spent a year in the maternity hospital) before signing papers that would allow him to be adopted. She signed those papers in September of 1999, and in October of that same year, I held a picture of the child that would become my oldest son. The caseworker asked me, "Do you want to adopt him? Do you realize how sick he's been?" Without hesitation, my answer was "Yes!" I held him for the first time in May 2000. A decade of infertility. 14 months of an intense adoption process. I was a Mom! Thank you, God!

Our adoption visa was set to expire ... and I had always hoped to mother more than one child. So we moved forward quickly with a second adoption and August of 2000 found me holding another child's picture in my hands. A child who'd been removed from a reportedly unfit home. My only answer was, "Yes! Yes, I want to be his Mom!" I held him for the first time in December of that year.

Several salvation stories started blending together. My sons gave me focus, helped me develop a back-bone, and helped my dream become reality. Both boys were developmentally delayed, but as therapy, love, and prayer surrounded them, their lives became stories of restoration. While I centered my efforts on them, I saw our home life more clearly, and when my oldest was in danger, God orchestrated events (some rather painful) that eventually led to stepping away from the marriage, despite every instinct that said stay and cower. Over time, God used the trials and despair of single motherhood to strengthen my faith and bring me to His gift of salvation.

So let's look at the statement again: "You saved their lives." I'm sure several people have seen me hesitate, then respond, "No, they saved mine." Ultimately, God used each of the three of us, to save each other. My hope is that our story of rescue, redemption, and restoration will be an encouragement to you. Whatever you're going through, keep the faith, have hope. And however you build your family, I pray your story is one of salvation and deliverance, for all involved.