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Thursday, May 23, 2013

Roars and Whimpers

This morning, Autism kept rearing it's head. 
Not in a bad way, just a continual way. 


En route to the doctor's office, he asked me an awkward social question. It was related to women who were walking along the downtown streets. I responded in an exasperated manner, "Why do you keep asking me about this? What is your fascination?" In an equally exasperated fashion he said, "Mom, it's not about sex! I wonder about the diseases. Why would anyone do that to themselves?" 

As I drove along, we had a long discussion, I thought back to a training I'd attended a few years ago. At it, I learned repetitive comments about negative events or situations are not always simply an "obsession." In the words of one of the adult autistic presenters: "Repeated negative comments and questions help me get rid of bad or sad things in my head. If I talk about it, I don't have to keep thinking about it." Then I thought about the repetitive questions. I realized I have to teach him more about choices -- and how some people feel they have none. I have to help him see beyond his black and white world and accept the grey areas. And I need to help him empathize, not judge. We will work on this, I will work to help him understand.

He was antsy at the doctor's office, despite heavy work this morning. He couldn't stop talking. He tried, I could see his effort, but it was as if a switch has been flipped to ON. When we got home, he told me he needed to use the restroom. And it clicked. I thought back to the sensory, to the Occupational Therapy. Sometimes when the biological need to use the bathroom is great, he has trouble processing the message his body is sending to his brain, and his behaviors increase. It had been a while so it caught me off guard. I hadn't thought to ask him if he needed to use the restroom. I should've asked, should've thought of it... I will work on this, work to remember.
 
During the doctor's visit, one of his repetitive behaviors was addressed, and ideas discussed. It appears he has caused some damage to his skin. It can be cured, over time, but the behavior has to be addressed as well. We discussed ideas, and the doctor backed me up, even talked at length while making Robert look her in the eye. Her talk made a difference, she got through to Robert.

When she turned and looked at me, she said, "You're doing a great job." I thought I was going to cry.  I know God has me. He is my rock and my hope. But I am human, and I get tired, and sometimes I feel I can not take this disease called Autism even one minute longer. But that's just emotion. We can take it on, we can tame it. At the very least, we will work on it!

I think back thirteen years. In my hopes, fantasies, prayers -- my sons were the strong, articulate young men of today. But back then, I didn't know if those dreams would come true. I don't know if other dreams will come true. What I do know: through God's abundant grace and our hard work -- we are taming Autism one day at a time. Ever so slowly, we are backing it into a corner. Sometimes it whimpers. Every great while it roars.

But, we will work on it
... And we will move forward!


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