Geckos taught My Son to Love

"Mom, I love them" sounds simple enough, but to me... It's truly an answer to prayer.

My oldest son is diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome. He is brilliant in his own way, a junior professor on things of science and history. He is verbal and surprisingly social, loving time spent with his peers in school and marching band. I credit this to lots of therapies, and certainly God's guiding hand.

But one of the challenges persons with Asperger's face is: lack of social or emotional empathy. And one of my son's challenges is having me as a Mom. I hug my friends and am not shy with my sons, or my friends. Daily, I tell my children I love them. I hug them, I praise them, I support them, even as I discipline them.

My examples, combined with his own sweet heart, planted well in my youngest son. He, too, is a hugger and has a kind, caring heart. He worries about others and has a social conscience.

But my oldest. I had to teach him to give "a two-armed hug" even when he shied away from physical contact with family members. And I had to teach him that a handshake (which he prefers to hugs) is not only considered a  social statement of respect, but expected in our society. So now he extends his hand in greeting not so much out of happiness to see his friends ("Don't they know I'm happy to see them?") but because he's learned it is a proper social gesture.

When he became obsessed, as those with Asperger's will do, with weather and storms, I became concerned. Never once did I hear him talk about all the people affected by Katrina or Andrew. But I heard all about the incredible power within these storms. So every time he started discussing these intense storms, I would remind him of the social toll of the storms, of the ways humanity was touched. I deliberately sought pictures and stories about the human element. Thus, over time, he learned not only fascinating statistics, but he also learned about devastation, of the faces of loss, and he would have to answer my question: "How do you think those people feel now?"

He learned to empathize or at least, how to think in terms of humanity. I am proud of him!

But L-O-V-E. How was I supposed to teach this abstract feeling? Through works of the care and concern for others? Through story books? Sure, we can do all that... but I worried. And I prayed. Would he ever really understand what it is to love someone? Could he come to love someone?

Did I mention I prayed about this? And don't we know God hears the smallest whisper of our heart? He knows the desires of our hearts? He heard my prayers...

And he sent two leopard geckos home with my son one day. A science teacher could no longer care for the geckos in her home and asked Robert if he would like to raise them. She gave the geckos, an aquarium, and starter items to my son. Eeks! I was less than happy about having reptiles in my house. But God has used them to teach my son how to care for others, how to give of himself, how to show concern, how to nurture and....he has learned to love!  

So the other day, as I watched the delight dance across my son's face, and he said "Mom I love them" when he talked about his geckos, I gave thanks!

Sometimes I feel very needy as I turn to God, but I am constantly being reminded... don't stop praying! He hears our prayers, and He will answer, in His time and in His way. Even with a couple of geckos.