It's a Dude Thing

I wish I knew how to be a man. Seriously.

No, I'm not thinking about a sex change operation or making an announcement about my gender. I like being a woman. It's how God made me, and after all these decades, seems to be working for me, last time I checked.

But I'm raising two teenage boys on my own. Their father isn't around and their Grandfather (my father) is deceased. While I might wish to meet a nice man, I'm in no hurry, and have no desire to date just anyone to have a man around the house.  

So where does that leave us? 

Oh yeah, I'm trying to learn to think like a man...

God gave me these boys to raise and he knew what I'd be up against, so He graciously gave the boys great role models in teachers, friends-of-the-family, and via activities. But there's no significant male influence in our home. So it's up to me.

I can teach them manners (so far neither one scratches themselves in public very often) and I can teach them morals, praying they're listening. But the dude stuff? 

About a year ago I realized, I had to get with the program!  

So, we tackle dude-type projects together. Google has become my friend. I research inexpensive do-it-yourself projects and we take them on. The boys have learned about weeding and have done some landscaping and gardening. This spring we plastered and painted the kitchen, and made a backsplash behind the kitchen sink. We work as a family and we work hard. Our results might not be up to Bob Villa's standards, but they're ok!

But what about the rest of the dude-stuff? How to court a woman, how to be a gentleman, how to be a Dad? Well, I just tell them how I think a Man should act, how he should treat a lady, how to be respectful. And they've learned in their own way about how to be a real Dad. Antiquated or not, they open doors for women, they let ladies go first, and while they're a little young for dating I've already said "Well, if you were the parent of a teenage daughter, how would you want a boy to treat HER?" 

I strive to raise up two righteous Christian young men who will go out and be successful in this life -- however that success is defined.

But the other day, a commercial came on tv depicting two men standing at a water cooler. One man started discussing sports, and the other mentioned yoga... Yoga dude ends up with water being thrown in his face. On some levels, I think the commercial is tacky. But, it's as if water was thrown on my face, too, because I realized...  I have to teach a sport to my boys. I don't want them left out at the water cooler when they grow up!

I think my youngest son will be ok, he's sociable and is a great conversationalist. 

But did I mention my oldest is very high functioning autistic? He has Asperger's Syndrome and has to be taught social skills. He's still coming to terms with the fact not every person will want to hear about his latest coin acquisition or his geckos, and he is slowly accepting the notion of making small talk with friends.

So I sat down with the boys and told them, "You have to pick a sport and come to understand it so when you grow up, and other guys at work start talking sports, you can talk about it too and fit in. It's a dude thing." His response was basically, "Mom, I know I'm a guy. I don't have to like sports." I don't know if I was right or wrong, and I don't know what a man would do but I said, "I don't care if it's your favorite thing, but it's something you need to know. It's a man thing."

So now we're going to pay attention to football and hockey a little more than we already do, and I'm going to pray about other male-bonding things I have to teach the boys. 

Because of me, and all the Aunties in their lives, they'll probably be the most polite men around the water cooler, but hopefully, they'll fit in and understand how to act like a dude in a man's world.